The Adventures of a High School Chaperone

This past weekend was a whirlwind of activity and an emotional freak show for me. I know you find that very hard to believe. It's rare that I'm swept up in a whirlwind of activity. Emotional freak shows, on the other hand, are quite commonplace.

On Saturday morning I joined my son's high school choral group trip to NYC. After seeing the itinerary which included War Horse at Lincoln Center and the students performing the Earth Mass for the Blessing of the Animals at St. John's Cathedral, I shamelessly begged offered the choral group director my chaperone services to assist in shepherding the rowdy teens who make up this rag tag group of singers. That rowdy / rag tag thing was pure creative license. This group is nothing of the sort. They do, however, have their own "Glee" characters, but I suppose that is to be expected.

Along with the "Glee" characters, the weekend also proved revelatory in a number of other ways. Here then, are the top 10 things I learned on my NYC chaperone weekend.

One of the high school
students drew this for me.

1. "Chaperone" is a very loose term. Most likely a school district requirement that in reality serves almost no purpose whatsoever. I'm totally okay with that. As long as Ian still likes me, I'm happy to travel to Broadway or Italy to chaperone his adventures.
2. Ian is taking small steps toward not liking me any more. Well, maybe he likes me, but that doesn't mean he wants me anywhere near him and his friends. He didn't shout "I love you" from across the room, or hug me once during the whole weekend, and for some reason he didn't want to snuggle before going to sleep with the other kids on the floor of the gym at the church. Weird.
3. You know how I often reference my lack of maternal or nurturing instinct? This weekend was a case in point. When packing for the trip I brought MY stuff. The other moms? They brought OTC meds of every kind, tissues, antibacterial wipes, hand sanitizer, bandaids, feminine hygeniene products, etc. in case any of the kids were in need. Of course, guess who needed the bandaid?
4. You know you're with a special group of kids when not only is there no complaint about watching "Dream Girls" on the bus ride, but there was complete silence because everyone was listening with rapt attention. I'm thinking the high school football team would not have had the same response. Just a hunch.
5. Being the mom of a freshman is kinda like being a freshman yourself. The moms of seniors know all the kids and the teachers and how the whole system works. You feel awkward and insecure and wonder if anyone will like you. But then you go to the Hungarian Pastry Shop and you feel better.
6. The Hungarian Pastry Shop is to die for. It's even better when enjoying great conversation with a new friend over a cup of hot tea. I met someone with the same sense of humor as me. Welcome to Snarkville!
7. Speaking of tasty treats, I recommend Mel's Burger Bar. A long wait but a damn good burger and you know I'm an expert in hamburgers.
8. There is something about 232 ft. ceilings that truly makes you feel closer to God. I could spend hours exploring cathedrals and soaking up every bit of their history. Geeky, huh?
9. The Earth Mass at St. John's is always the first Sunday of October. Put it on your calendar for next year. Go ahead, I'll wait. Everyone must see it at least once in their lifetime. 
10. When PMSing or in any kind of hyper-sensitive emotionally vulnerable state, avoid seeing War Horse. I lost it. Had to leave early. Couldn't talk without crying for about an hour afterwards. In retrospect, I'm thinking I may have had some kind of breakdown cause that reaction was way over the top, even for me. 

That's it folks. Coming soon (but don't hold your breath), my husband claims he will post on my behalf (so I can clean the bathrooms) since he doesn't have anything to do this October. Phreakin' Phillies. 

Jury Doodie

Today I had jury duty for the first time. And I was psyched! No one ever seems to be excited about jury duty, but since I love to judge other people I thought it would be an excellent opportunity to see our justice system in action.

I arrived promptly, had my belongings scanned by the official looking guys at the entrance, and made my way to the Jury Gallery, which sounded way better than it was. Basically, we were corralled in a big overheated room with no windows, seated about six inches apart. All 147 of us packed like sardines.

We waited about 30 minutes for one of the judges to pay us a visit and applaud us for partaking in our civic duty. She also explained that there were four cases that were being reviewed today, so I figured my chances of getting selected were pretty good. We then watched an idiot-proof video that walked us through completing the yes/no questionnaire. And then we sat. Being the prepared type, I'd brought along all my work-related reading in order to catch up.

About 45 minutes later we were given a morning break and many of us made our way to the court house cafeteria. That's where one of the jurors appeared to not be feeling well, explained that she'd had diarrhea three times already that morning (can you say, TMI?), and proceeded to pass out, then wake up to vomit. Hey, this jury duty was proving to be quite the experience!

We returned to the corral where I actually spotted a friend who had an open seat near her. I took that seat which unfortunately had to be next to "one of those guys." There's always one of those guys in a crowd who is just a bit too friendly.

Well, this return from break lasted till 11:30 a.m. with no word from anyone official, and then we were told to we could go to lunch till 1:00. About this time it occurred to me that the government is not really a very well-oiled machine. It appears to be incredibly inefficient. Who knew!

I enjoyed a terrific cheeseburger (notice a cheeseburger theme in this blog?) at the Koffee Korner with Freakin' Angel Cara, and then headed back to fulfill my responsibilities, certain that I was destined to partake in the trial of the century.

Interestingly, back at the ranch, the televisions were on and were tuned to A & E. We watched Criminal Intent, The Sopranos, and the beginning of CSI Miami. I thought that was kinda strange, but then I realized that it was actually a brilliant means for helping us understand the criminal psyche!

So with the televisions as background noise, I waited. And waited. And waited. I ran out of reading material. I played brickbreaker on my blackberry. I tried calling my husband but he never answers when I call. I got so desperate for a diversion that I called my children.

Finally, at 3:00 p.m. another judge arrived to tell us the good news. All four cases had settled, and it was only because 147 of us had sat there all day. Without having us corralled nearby they never would have had the threat of a ready jury to lord over the bad guys. Unbeknownst to any of us, we had in fact saved the day. Ah, the power of justice. I'm feeling rather like a superhero tonight and I can't wait to do it again!

Gastronomical Reflections, Part II

It was a dark and stormy night. Ah, no. That's Snoopy's line. And it wasn't nighttime. And it wasn't stormy. But it was dark, inside at least. But let me back up a bit.

On Sunday, Rob and I left the chilly temps of Key West and moved north to Hollywood, Florida where we'd be colder and closer to the airport for our flight the next day.

Another reason to head to Hollywood was a special gastronomical adventure that Rob wanted me to experience. The site of this adventure? Le Tub. Here's a brief history of Le Tub from its website: Established November 2nd 1959 as a Sunoco gas station.... Closed by the energy crunch of the early seventies, your Host purchased the barren property in 1974 and dedicated a concentrated year personally hand building LeTub totally of Flotsam, Jetsam and ocean borne treasures all gathered daily over 4 years of day break jogging on Hollywood Beach.
  
Le Tub is barely visible behind foliage and bamboo fencing. A hand-painted sign is the only indication that there's something lurking there along the Inter-Coastal Waterway. Most of the seating is outdoors along the water with a lovely view of the yachts passing by. Of course, the frigid temperatures weren't going to accommodate outdoor dining so we were ushered into the bowels of Le Tub. And "bowels" is really an appropriate word since the landscaping featured many a toilet bowl. But wait, it gets better.

We entered the darkest restaurant I've ever been in in my life. Not romantic dark. Just dark. As in, no lighting. We passed a group of locals at the "community table" and as we took our seat in a corner by the window I was overcome by a fear of the unseen. Who knows what could have been lurking in those corners, under the table, on the table, at the bar, in the kitchen? And the fish nets hanging from the ceiling, I could just imagine what was caught in those things, and potentially dropping onto my food.


A familiar yet misplaced scent permeated the place. It turned out to be a wood-burning fireplace. Again, not for romance, but for heat. There was literally no other source of heat in the place. At our seat near the window I could actually see my breath. That was a first!

And then came the food. Le Tub is known for its burgers. In fact, according to its website, GQ and The Oprah Winfrey Show both claimed they had the best burgers in the country. As a meat and potatoes kind of girl, this held great potential. As I watched the guy in the kitchen (can you call something the size of a small closet a kitchen?), I sensed good things. He was back there making the patties by hand and cutting the lettuce and tomatoes. 


So we ordered. Chips and homemade salsa, french fries, and a couple beers to hold us over while our 13 ounce cheeseburgers were cooking. I should note that we only ordered the fries so that the heat from them would warm us up. Of course we didn't need fries seeing as we were about to ingest 13 ounces of ground beef .



And then they arrived.


And they were wonderful. And it was worth seeing my breath because of the cold. And it was worth eating in the dark. And it was worth passing the toilet bowls on the way in and out. Because really, a good cheeseburger is one of the finest treats on earth.



I leave you with just one final thought. Thirteen ounces is a whole lotta meat. You might want to share yours with a friend. And if you need a friend, just call me, preferably when we can dine outdoors!