Random Musings, VIII: Food Edition

It's been too long. I don't usually go two weeks without writing. You know it's not because I have nothing to say. I ALWAYS have something to say. Unfortunately, right now much of what I have to say isn't ideal blog material. There's the new guy I'm working for who's 10+ years younger than me (I'm not sure I'm ready to confess my angst about that). There's the crushing situation impacting my church (it wouldn't be appropriate to share at this point). There's the emotional exhaustion I'm feeling from a ridiculously difficult year that's less than half over (that's depressing). So in the interest of meeting your Freakin' Angel needs (isn't it cute the way I assume you need me?), I'm happy to share a new volume (#8!) of Random Musings. Food Edition.

Those of you who know me well, know that I have a few food issues. For instance, I generally try to avoid anything healthy. I work out so I can eat badly. I also don't like "crunch" in my food. Nothing inside something else that makes its presence known. Example: celery or onions in stuffing. Peppers in crab cakes. I'm pleased to say, however, that I've met someone who has even more food quirks than me. My soul sister and colleague Kelly won't eat lettuce because she thinks it tastes like grass. Not that she's eaten grass, but she assumes that's how it would taste.

But enough about the quirks. Here are some random food-related thoughts from a Freakin' Angel:

1. Fish heads. Seriously, why would a chef think it's a nice idea to put the whole fish, head included, on your plate? How can you eat it when it still has eyes?
2. Uncut chicken breasts on salad. If I'm paying for the salad, the least you can do is cut the damn chicken for me. You know I can't eat it like that, and have you ever tried to cut on top of lettuce? Not particularly effective, which means you have to remove the chicken from the salad to cut it up. This is annoying, especially when you're hungry and just want to get down to business.
3. Shrimp. Along these lines, why do restaurants insist on presenting shrimp with the shell on? I like scampi, but I don't like dipping my hands in the buttery sauce to remove the crunchy part from the main ingredient in my meal (refer to my comments above about crunch).
4. Leftovers. Why do we keep leftovers we know we'll never eat? If you're like me, you wait until they're moldy so you feel justified tossing them. Weird.
5. Storage containers. Speaking of leftovers, is it just me, or does it seem that whichever Tupperware dish you dump your leftovers into, is bound to be the one you can't find a lid for? If you're one of those people with completely organized storage containers, you suck I don't want to know.
   
6. Burnt food. In another example of the head games I play with myself (and my family), I turn burnt food over so the lighter side shows, tricking my brain into thinking it doesn't taste like charcoal.  
7. Bread. Who else leaves the heel of the bread in the bag in the pantry, even though you already opened a new loaf and have no intention of finishing the other? When it's moldy, then you can throw it out.
8. Miniatures. Why does food always taste better in smaller sizes?  Mini cupcakes, pierogies and goldfish, for example. And those miniature bottles of condiments are so darn cute! Of course there's something psychologically befuddling about miniatures, the way you eat way more than if you had just selected the original sized item.
9. Sunflower seeds. What's the deal with the ones with the shells on them? There's so little reward for all the crunching and spitting involved. I don't get the appeal. 
   
10. Vegetables. I have made a fascinating discovery. There is a direct correlation between the number of people who like a certain vegetable and how difficult it is to spell. Research proves me right. According to Ranker.com's list of the most popular vegetables, potato, carrot, onion (bleh), tomato, corn and  peas are among the top 10.  Lower on the list? Broccoli, asparagus, Brussels sprouts, rhubarb, artichokes, cauliflower and zucchini. 

I hope you've enjoyed this food-themed issue of Random Musings. I'd love to hear some of your related random thoughts!

Games People Play

I had a great weekend. For 24 heavenly hours, with my daughter Abby, I enjoyed the sand and the sun in Avalon, New Jersey, one of my happy places. We rode bikes, ate out, spent time on the beach, and window shopped. If we could have shared a bottle of Pinot Grigio on the ocean front deck of our hotel room, the whole thing would have been picture perfect.

Adding to the delight of this time together was a fine discovery I made. There, in my toiletry bag, I found a pair of earrings that I hadn't seen in months. Actually, this is not a rare occurrence. I frequently find lost jewelry, lipstick, underwear, socks, you name it, when I open suitcases, duffel bags, backpacks, purses, etc. It's always such a delight that it occurred to me I should be intentional about arranging my "surprises." For example:

• Leave a little something special in your suitcase before putting it away after returning home
• Keep a favorite pen or lipstick or other goodie in the purse you're swapping out for the season
• Place a few bucks in your jeans pocket and "forget" to remove the dollars when putting them in the wash or back in your closet
• Hide your favorite candy or other well-preserved treat in a cupboard you rarely open.

Then, voilà! The next time you reach for that suitcase, purse, pair of jeans, or kitchen shelf, you're in for a treat. Life just doesn't serve up enough pleasant surprises so I see no reason not to help it along.

In keeping with this mind-game approach to good stuff, there are a number of other means to orchestrated joy-filled moments:

See, he gets it!

• If, like me, you live and die by your to-do list, go ahead and add a few tasks that you've already completed, just so you have something to cross off your list. Look how productive you've been!
• Love flowers but never receive them from that special someone? Go ahead and send yourself a bouquet. Schedule delivery for a few weeks from now so that you forget about them. What a nice surprise when they arrive! 
• Frustrated by your weight? Trying to lose a few pounds? Buy your pants a size larger and stick them in the back of the closet where you're not likely to discover them for awhile. Then, when you go to put them on, they'll be too big, and you'll feel like you've accomplished something. Of course, if they fit, or God forbid they're too tight, you'll totally bum yourself out, so consider the risks with this one.

And if cash in hand gives you a sense of satisfaction, here's a fun little trick you can play on your wallet. When selling fund-raising stuff for your kids or purchasing tickets for a group to attend a concert or play, always offer to cover the costs up front, allowing others to pay you back when you deliver the goods. This way, at some point in the near future, you will receive cash from a number of folks, thereby filling your wallet and making you happy at the sight of all that green. Yes, I realize that the money was previously taken from your checking account or charged to your credit card, but that doesn't seem to affect the joy I find in this approach to "making money." Please note that this particular game should not be played 1) with people who never pay you back, or 2) if you don't pay off your credit card in full every month. It's no fun at all if interest fees accrue in the process.

So there you have it folks. Just a few of the mind games I like to play. If you have others that work for you, please share. I'm always looking for ways to trick myself into a happy "surprise!"

The Head Games We Play with Forbidden Love

There's a new love in my life, and like many loves, this one should be forbidden. I'm in love with Dunkin  Donuts muffins. Preferably the coffee cake or chocolate chip  variety.

Yesterday I was headed toward a 9:00 a.m. seminar about 20 miles from my house, and I contemplated a stop at my neighborhood DD before starting on my journey. But reason prevailed--I'd already eaten an English Muffin and the local DD was not on the way.

Now my travels just happened to take me through a major retail/dining thoroughfare, so naturally I passed a DD on my way to my destination. And that's when the head game began. I decided that if I should see another DD on my route, I would allow myself to stop for a muffin. At that point, after all, the fates would have ordained it.

It wasn't long before another DD appeared, but alas, I was in the wrong lane. I decided to move into the slower right lane in order to avoid messing with the fates. And voila! My commitment was rewarded with not just another DD, but a DD with a drive-thru! And who was in front of me in the drive-thru lane but a Philadelphia police officer. This meant that not only was my muffin stop preordained, but it was also a very safe choice given the protection in line ahead of me.

Whenever I go through a DD drive-thru, I'm struck by what a testament it is to my/our character. I don't want to burn even minimal calories walking from the car into the restaurant in my pursuit of sugar and fat. In fact, have you noticed that nearly everything that we can obtain via drive-thru is bad for us? Fast food. Beer. Donuts. When is the last time you picked up fresh fruit and vegetables at a drive-thru? But then who craves an apple or broccoli the way you crave french fries, milkshakes, or beer? But I transgress...

All told, my journey turned up SEVEN Dunkin Donuts locations in about a 15 stretch. All on my side of the road. Interestingly, there were no DDs for about the last couple miles of my drive. Do you know what I saw instead? About ten different places of worship. Several synagogues, an Islamic community center, a number of diverse types of churches including one with services in Korean. And funeral homes. Now it may have been the fates messing with me, or God speaking to me, but it was as if I was supposed to be praying for forgiveness for my gluttony...before I die and the funeral home puts my enlarged body on display.

Let me wrap this up by saying that I really learned my lesson on the way home. I didn't play any head games with myself. I didn't test the fates by considering stopping at the third Pretzel Boys location I saw. After all, I knew there was only one Pretzel Boys...And have I told you how much I LOVE soft pretzels?

Side note: I may have cured myself of my love for DD muffins in writing this post. When I searched for an image to use, I found it on a list of the 25 worst things to eat. The ugly truth:

• Calories: 660
• Calories from fat: 230 
• Grams of saturated fat (that's the bad kind): 7 grams
• Sugar: 57 grams

I'm not going to look up the nutritional value of my beloved soft pretzels because that would just ruin my weekend.