Warning: This post is being written in a weepy, tired, and frustrated state. The blogger will not be held responsible for the contents of this post. This is the first in a series of "Pity-Party Posts."
Do you ever wonder if you could be more than you are? Or maybe you don't even wonder about it. Maybe you're pretty certain you could be more than you are. Maybe most days you don't think about it at all and you're completely satisfied with life as you know it. But perhaps once in a while it occurs to you that you're messing up if you're not maxing out on your potential. That's where I'm stuck right now.
I'm blaming the stupid social media marketing course I took last month. Actually, it has nothing to do with that particular course, which wasn't stupid at all. It's just that going back to school, even for one week, made me think about what I'm doing with my career and what I could be doing and probably should be doing. It's not that I want to change careers or even where I work (because my employer is actually a blessing in my life, seriously), but I think I could be doing more. More publicity. More sales. More social media. More promotions. I could be learning more by reading more in the trades, on twitter, in white papers, in newsletters, on websites. I could be setting trends, leading the way, displaying innovative marketing techniques for small non-profit publishers everywhere. I could be writing articles, speaking at conferences, being sought out as an expert.
Of course if I were able to do all that would I be able to teach Sunday school, or serve as president of the PTO, or volunteer at the animal shelter, or teach English as a second language? Oh, that's right. I'm not doing any of those things either.
It must be because I'm spending all my time playing with my kids, and cooking great meals, and decorating the house.
Um, no.
So I could be doing more, lots more, for my family and my community, too.
I'm struck by the irony of feeling completely overwhelmed while feeling guilty for not doing more. Of not living up to my potential. And all these feelings are serving only to stymie any ability I may have to more forward. I think it's called the "paralysis of analysis."
And I wonder how we know when we're done doing more. Do we ever reach our potential? Do we ever feel there's nothing left to do, or will I be lying on my deathbed apologizing for not giving life my best effort?
And when I hit the button that says "Publish Post" I'm going to feel badly for not giving you something humorous which is what you really want and expect from me. And I'm going to wonder if you think I should have saved this kind of stream of consciousness bull crap for my personal journal not my public blog. And I'm pretty certain these kinds of posts will lose me readers, not get me more. And that's contrary to today's theme of "more."
But I'll take my chances. Count on the kindness of strangers and committed Freakin' Angels. And hope you'll stay tuned for my next Pity Party Post: "Technology Offers New Ways to Feel Bad About Yourself."
7 comments:
Kim, I'm exhausted just thinking about the things you COULD be doing. But I understand the sentence "I'm struck by the irony of feeling completely overwhelmed while feeling guilty for not doing more." I feel that way about school all the time. I should be sponsoring clubs, doing fundraisers so that kids can travel to Europe every year, advising class council, giving more and bigger writing and research assignments, starting a German club...sigh...
Kim, I think this is such an honest and interesting post. I think "paralysis by analysis" is right...you have SO MANY ideas for what you could be doing that it is paralyzing and you aren't doing any of them. I think the best we can do is one thing at a time. What would be fun? What would be interesting? What would be satisfying? I was in a similar position of different interests pulling at me, and I wrote a concrete list and set my priorities from it. I tossed aside plenty of stuff, some temporarily, and some probably for good, but I got started little by little on some new things that interested me and took my life in just a little bit of a new direction. But trying to do everything would be impossible... staggering ...paralyzing. Again, this is a really great post.
Kim, take it from someone who's been unemployed for over 3 years and has had plenty of time for self-pity and reflection: this phase is your life's reset button. If you were doing all the things you think you should be doing, you'd be exhausted from doing them all and trying to do each one well, and you still wouldn't be happy.
Take this time of ambiguity to figure out which of those myriad things best fits in to your life right now. Then do that ONE thing, a little at a time. The other things will fall into -- or out of -- place in due time.
Thank you, Andria and Phyllis. It helps to get your perspective.
Kim,
the more you take on and do, the more you stress out about doing more so you take on more so you do more so you stress more....
Aside from a short term reflection that should include "am I and my family enjoying our lives as they are" well, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Sometimes we beat ourselves up for not keeping up with the Jones' "to do list" not thinking that the Jones' are miserable.
really an interesting post! lovely greetings
Thanks, Design Elements. How did you find it? Loved the design pictures on your site!
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