Time for the Talk, Part 2

We returned home from the Outer Banks late Saturday afternoon and after settling in a bit, Rob hugged me and sighed, "It's nice to be home." At which point I almost broke into tears. And not because his hug was squishing me, but rather because the moment I walked in the front door I felt overwhelmed by responsibilities.

Later that evening, while contemplating this unpleasant reaction to coming home, it occurred to me that depression, angst, frustration, and a general sense of being unable to keep up are not what home is supposed to be about. "Home" is supposed to be a place of refuge, a sanctuary away from the troubles of this world. I decided that if home is going to be "where my heart is" I needed to make some changes. So I sat the family down for "the talk." And not the talk where mommy resigns. That was last month. This talk was intended to keep mommy from resigning in the future.

In this talk I blamed everyone else for my unhealthy emotional and mental state calmly explained to my family that mommy needs more help, and not just from doctors and pharmaceuticals. I explained how, if everyone does their part in taking care of our home, mommy would be much less likely to run away and join the circus happier. I made a list of all the very basic ways they could help me, including:

• Cleaning up after they make a mess
• Wiping off the table after meals
• Putting dishes in the dishwasher instead of piling them in the sink
• Picking up their stuff
• Not leaving dishes, candy wrappers, empty food boxes, etc. in various places in the house

In addition, I told Ian that he owes me an hour a day for whatever help I need in order to earn his gaming time. And Abby will not be allowed to get together with friends until her clean clothes are put away and her dirty clothes find the hamper. As for Rob, I asked that every weekend we try to complete one item on the house to do list.

I confessed to the family that I can be neurotic, obsessed, controlling a bit over the top in my expectations, but that together we can make home a happier place for everyone. I also noted that, while in the past I failed miserably with follow-through (we all know it's sometimes way easier to do it yourself than to deal with the attitude), this time I was going to nag them incessantly stay on top of things so that their helpful behavior becomes habit.

Suffice it to say that by bedtime everyone hated me. Abby ended up in tears, asking why mommy "can't just relax and be happy," at which point I once again explained that that was the very goal of my new approach to home administration.

I'm happy to say that Sunday was more successful; productive even! We went to church where we prayed we wouldn't kill each other and afterward Rob mowed and swept, Ian did yard work, and Abby helped clean the bathroom.

And this morning before school, proving that my new approach is working just beautifully, Ian left bread crumbs next to the toaster, on the dining room table, and in the bathroom (??). He left dropped cereal on the kitchen floor and his bowl on the counter. Abby also left toast crumbs on the table, and her latest painting project in the middle of the kitchen floor. But the good news is that I'm drinking my way smiling through it, realizing this won't be an easy adjustment for them, but determined to stick to it or pay the price with my sanity. The cereal remains on the floor, the crumbs remain where they left them, and paint and newspapers still grace the center of my kitchen. When the kids get home from school I will very gently (so as not to upset them) remind them of the promises they made on Saturday night and put them directly to work. Should be a breeze.

Wish me luck. Say a prayer. And send bottles of pinot grigio.