Freakin' Angel Friendship Finder [Beta version]

Last Monday, during my discovery of the "Fountain of Delight," my friend Kim announced that there was the possibility of someone new in her life. (Scandalous!) I don't recall the exact connections, but someone Kim knows suggested that she and so-and-so would really hit it off. Even though so-and-so lived in another city (D.C.?), she and Kim became Facebook acquaintances, and then, ironically enough, so-and-so just bought a house in our community. Kim is looking forward to the possibility of someone new joining our circle of friends. (So-and-so is a woman.) We're even considering waiving the membership fee and forgoing the initiation rites.

I don't know about you, but no matter how old I get, making new friends is still pretty exciting. Even more special than when we were little kids and could just walk up to someone and ask, "Do you want to be friends?" New friendships at our age have the advantage of being--for the most part--free of the drama we experienced as teens, and they don't hold the painful realities associated with college friends with whom we bond and then must part.

In the past six months or so, I have been blessed to add a few new friends to my list. And yes, I do keep a list in a little book in my nightstand. Just like my dad who regularly updates the list of people whom he likes enough to invite to his funeral. Or likes enough to give me permission to invite to his funeral, since he himself won't be able to do the asking.

In order to appear on my registry of friends, there are certain qualifications that one must possess. If you're wondering whether you're one of the chosen, this short quiz should give you a fairly good idea of where you stand:

Freakin' Angel Friendship Finder [Beta version]

1. Do you think snark or sarcasm is "the devil's language?"
2. Do you mind picking up the tab when your friends don't have cash on them?
3. Are you easily embarrassed by a friend's particularly loud laughter, whether at a restaurant or in a movie theater?
4. Is anything off limits in conversation with friends?
5. Do you have a problem with sobbing phone calls at 2 a.m.?
6. Can you easily sooth a friend's ego, assuring her, on an as-needed basis, that she's funny, smart, attractive and/or a good mom?
7. Will you gladly trade outfits with your friends at a clothing swap?
8. Are you okay with a friend who goes to bed before you've left their party? 
9. Do you find those who speak truth to power to be refreshing in a world of sissies? 
10. Would it be super cool to be written about in a friend's blog?

How to score your results:

• If you answered "no" to the first five questions and "yes" to questions 6-10, we are soul mates.
• If you answered "no" to at least three of the first five questions and "yes" to at least three of the last five questions, serious potential exists for a long-term relationship.
• If you answered "no" to only one or two of the first five questions, and "yes" to just one or two of the last five questions, we can probably hang out, but we'll both be most comfortable socializing within a group. 
• If you answered "yes" to questions 1-5 and "no" to questions 6-10, why are you even reading this blog? 

Don't let your quiz results deter you from trying to become my friend. Lots of attention and flattery can go a long way. I also find that it's easiest to become friends with women who have the same names as other women I'm friends with. I'm pleased to say that my newest friends -- Cathy, Aimee and Lisa -- have the exact same names as my college roommates! How great is that?

All kidding aside, this friendship stuff is serious business. Allow me to illustrate my point:

Rob and I have been talking about and looking forward to our 10-year plan, which involves some major life changes. In 10 years, the kids will be done with college (or I'll have cut them off financially), I'll no longer have to work at a university for tuition assistance, and Rob will have had enough of mediocre-at-best baseball seasons. Our 10-year plan has us moving south, somewhere close to the beach, where we'll simplify our lives with a refreshingly small piece of land that requires little to no maintenance since I'm the only one who does any yard work around here, dammit. Sounds great, right? The only possible glitch in our plans? My freakin' friends.

Frankly, I can't imagine life without them. And Facebook posts and the occasional text are not going to cut it. I need them close by so that when I have a free evening I can ask them to treat me to a margarita margaritas. I need to be able to count on their hugs, the sense of community I feel when I'm with them, and the clothing swaps. I wouldn't want to miss Karen's crab fest, New Year's Eve at the Mendell's, Cathie's Mardi Gras party, or Theresa's Labor Day get-together. And what would we do without the annual MacShimer bonfire? Just thinking about it makes me teary. But then again, my son would tell you that the sun coming up each day makes me teary. He's a smart ass.

As much as it pains me to think about moving on, for once in my life I'm going to try something new. I'm not going to move myself mentally or emotionally into the future. I'm going to enjoy every minute I spend with my wonderful friends, instead of wasting time worrying about what's next. I've missed out on a lot of good memories because my sights were always set on tomorrow.

Just one last thing. The Freakin' Angel Friendship Finder does not take into account ones material possessions. Please note that those individuals with a boat (who are willing to take me out on it) and/or a beach house (who are willing to invite me to it), are automatically added to the friend registry. With just the purchase of a boat or house, you too can ensure your place on the list!