My husband leaves for spring training this weekend. As a marketing/sales guy for the Phillies, he's in the unfortunate position of having to take clients to Clearwater where he's required to wine and dine them, hit the links, and of course, sit in the warm, Florida sunshine with a cold beer enjoying a few Phillies pre-season games. You can tell I harbor no resentment about this whatsoever.
In the midst of my harboring no resentment, I've been thinking about how there are a number of elements of baseball that I'd really like to see applied to parenting:
Spring training: Every year, for two months before your child gets out of school for the summer, you would head to Florida or Arizona to practice your parenting skills and maneuvers so you don't drop the ball or commit too many errors when overwhelmed by the all day, every day presence of your children for the next three months.
The off season: We think teachers have it good with summers off. How about professional athletes? Baseball has the longest season and that's still only six months. I think all parents should have an off season where you get to walk away from the madness, the constant demands, and the expectations. Just chill on a yacht or cruise around in your sports car for a few months. Yes, I do believe I'd be a much better parent if I had an off season.
Batting average: If you're batting .333, your team is pretty darn happy with you. You're destined for the All-Star game. The press is noticing your accomplishments. High fives and butt smacks all around. As a parent, what if I only make good decisions, deliver appropriate consequences, and say the right things one third of the time? Or what if I have three kids and only one of them isn't a total embarrassment? I think we should adopt major league standards for ourselves as parents. It would relieve so much pressure!
Salary It should go without saying that we parents are seriously underpaid. Personally, I'm working with a salary cap of $0.00. I'd be willing to trade in my super cool mini van and frumpy mom clothes in exchange for a bump in pay. And I wouldn't even ask so much that it would require my home team to pay the luxury tax.
Let's hear it sports fans. What other elements of the game should be instituted for moms and dads?
8 comments:
Awesome post Kim! I am a national league fan but I would definitely take a designated hitter now and then. Especially for those hard to answer questions about life. Sometimes I also consider trading family members to other teams. I think I have even used this as a threat, in fact. And I also think that every family should come with a giant mascot to lighten the mood in the evening. Sometimes wine is not enough.
Emily, these are outstanding baseball-related opportunities that I overlooked. Thanks for sharing. I agree completely on all three points!!
Great post. I would also like an umpire in my house. You know, if someone starts mouthing off after a judgment call or throws a tantrum they get sent to the showers.
We should adopt collective bargaining with our kids as well. They bring their demands. We bring ours. If they want to go on strike, suits me. But if I don't like the way they are conducting themselves, I can lock them out as the owner. (See your item on "off season").
Lastly...trades. You're not happy in this house? I might trade you to that parent who thinks you're an angel for a kid to be named later. Much, much later.
Good stuff.
Mark, you've presented more great ideas! Love the umpire and collective bargaining stuff. Why didn't I think of those??
The season should have more "away games" than "home games". You know...go enjoy the fun, food, and feel of somebody else's "turf"...and take your muddy cleats with you!
Also, don't forget the give-a-ways....instead of a plastic replica of the diamond, just the diamond will be fine...hmmmm, earrings or necklace?
Oooh, I have the smartest readers ever! Love those suggestions, Joanzbenz!
Brilliant post!
I think we should all have our own theme song blaring whenever we burst into the kitchen from the on-deck circle to make dinner.
Mine would be "Don't Stop Believin'" because it's such a soul-stirring anthem, and it would give me more confidence in my cooking skills.
Thanks, Jennifer! Excellent suggestion. I could use all the moral support I can get in the kitchen.
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