While this wasn't my first experience getting naked and rubbed down by what is usually a complete stranger, this time I made a noteworthy observation:
Multi-taskers and control freaks have a difficult time fully enjoying the massage experience.I'm the kind of person who is nearly incapable of doing only one thing at a time. Whether cooking, eating, watching television, or bathing, I'm always engaged in at least one other activity. This often has unwelcome and sometimes dangerous consequences, but that's a post for another time. What this means for me and massages is that the pleasure of having those sore muscles worked is in definite competition with the stress that comes from not being able to do something productive while just lying there. Couldn't I get a massage while reading, writing, paying bills, or eating lunch?
Because there's nothing I can physically do to keep occupied during a massage, my brain goes into overdrive. There are basically three categories of thoughts that I will go through in the course of the hour:
Bizarre Questions that I'd Like to Ask the Therapist:
- What do you do if someone's really stinky?
- If someone is particularly overweight can you actually reach their muscles to massage them?
- Do men ever visibly enjoy the experience and how the heck do you handle that?
- Has anyone ever passed gas while being massaged?
- Is massaging a friend weirder than massaging a complete stranger?
The Self-Consciousness Series:
- Should I have eaten breakfast? My stomach is growling, but I guess I'm less bloated and a little less fat, so that's good.
- I wonder if she's ever seen feet as beat up as mine.
- Darn, I haven't shaved my legs in two days.
- Am I the most uptight and tense friend she's ever worked on?
- Are the moans, sighs, and grunts I'm making inappropriate, just like in that episode of "Friends"?
Random Musings:
- Wow, I better check and see if Abby's hermit crab is still alive. That would be awful if she came home from camp to a dead hermit crab.
- Maybe Rob can go to Denver with me in October. Oh, but the Phils will probably be in the playoffs again...How about that game last night? CHOOOOCH!!
- I wonder if Abby will get invited to sleep at friend's house this weekend so Rob and I can go to the movies.
- I love going to the movies.
- "The Kids are All Right" was a great movie.
- Tomorrow is the Zippilli family picnic. Even though I'm Facebook friends with more than a dozen of Rob's gazillion cousins and second cousins, I never remember their names when I see them. I wonder how many more years that's going to require, apparently nearly 20 isn't enough.
- Abby calls it the Zucchini family picnic. Ha ha.
- I need to clean the bathrooms. Why do we have so many bathrooms? Why do we have so many people and pets who shed?
- I wonder if we can get to the shore again this summer.
- Man, summer is going fast. But it's been so hot that Fall will be a nice break. But then there's school and Ian will turn into a nut case again.
- I wonder if Ian actually likes Hannah, ya know, like a girlfriend??
- I can't believe he's off sailing again this weekend. How come I never had friends who went sailing?
- How come I didn't have more friends when I was his age?
- I think I'll go for a bagel when this is over.
- I really like laying here under nice comfy, soft white sheets. I should do this at home sometime.
I need to go relax. Maybe I'll watch TV. Let me just get the laundry to fold and a crossword puzzle to work on, and I should probably dust the furniture while I'm at it....
2 comments:
As a Massage Therapist with several years of experience I'd like to answer some of your questions:
* What do you do if someone's really stinky?
Deal with it and be happy the oil is scented. If it's not then be happy there's a sheet to cover them. If there's no sheet, hold your breath or look away. If it happens again with this client then you politely tell them to shower before coming to see you.
* If someone is particularly overweight can you actually reach their muscles to massage them?
Yes, it just takes a little more work.
* Do men ever visibly enjoy the experience and how the heck do you handle that?
Some do {again, good thing there's a sheet}. What makes the situation good or bad is how the client deals with it. Some men don't even try to
control themselves and just let it rise to the occasion without an ounce of decency. They're the ones the get a thumb dug into a pressure or trigger point or extra deep work on a sensitive/tender area. I am not ashamed to do such a thing. Some will apologize for their physical response and some just don't respond at all. It's all a part of the job and dealing with it becomes easier over time. What never gets easy is dealing with those that ask {and these are exact words} "can you do something about this?". When you get clients like that you have a couple options: Punch them in the groin {which I've thought about}, politely tell them no and that you don't offer such services, or kick them off the table right then and there and never answer their calls again {then again, those looking for such services won't come back once they find out you won't "take care of it". I've had clients that have never come back because I didn't provide a "happy ending". I've also had clients that have. I must admit, it is a little satisfying to humiliate them when they ask and I firmly say no.
* Has anyone ever passed gas while being massaged?
Yes, and while I was working on his hamstrings no less! He never apologized or even mentioned it so I never took him again. If he had apologized it wouldn't have bothered me.
* Is massaging a friend weirder than massaging a complete stranger?
Yes and no. I like working on strangers because it's like having a blank sheet of paper to draw on. There are no expectations and no personal connections. If the draping accidentally reveals more than it should {which happens sometimes} then there's no fear of awkwardness because I saw your goods and then we're going to meet up later. Then again, working on friends is great because there is already a level of comfort established which makes the energy of the massage better. It allows you to try new techniques, too.
Being an obsessive multi-tasker--I know (and have experienced) exactly what you are talking about! Maybe try a nail place that gives you a massage while getting a manicure or pedicure. This is rather satisfying for us multi-taskers as you can usually at least read! Potentially 3-4 things getting done at once--now that is productive!
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