Communicating on the Road of Life

Recently I angered a fellow driver on the road of life. I'm still not sure what I did wrong, but being the sensitive type (a theme in these blog posts), I felt bad about it. I don't often upset other drivers, but when I do, they seem to take it very seriously. More than 12 years ago (obviously it left an impression), I cut someone off when needing to quickly change lanes to make my exit. He didn't take it well. In fact, he decided to follow me. Closely. All the way home. Since it happened pre-kids and I still had all my brain cells, I had the presence of mind to not stop at my house, but instead drove to the police station. That's when he decided he had something better to do than terrorize a young woman who made a driving faux pas.

That whole ugly scenario could have been avoided if someone would develop my Driver-to-Driver Vehicle Communication System (DDVCS). The DDVCS would  have many uses. The standard model would allow you to flash one of three basic signals (perhaps in the form of a flag that would pop up out of the roof of your car):

• Green: Go ahead and yell at me. I totally screwed up with that bone-headed move. You should feel free to drive past me angrily and shake a fist. (I think the whole flipping the bird thing is a bit extreme).
• Yellow: I'm not sure who's at fault here. Since we both think we were justified in our actions, let's call a truce and go our separate ways peacefully. 
• Red: You are an idiot. I did nothing wrong and you are completely unjustified in yelling at me, shaking your fist, or flipping me off. Knock it off, or this 2nd degree black belt is gonna get out of her car and kick your ass.

The higher end model of the DDVCS would have additional selections:

• For you single folks, see someone you'd like to know better while waiting at the traffic light? Flash him or her the "Hi" sign. If interested, they can flash back (no telling what they might flash -- wink, wink).
• Stuck behind someone fixing their hair, applying makeup, shaving, texting, or looking at something other than the road, use the DDVCS's side flag which is capable of stretching forward one car length to the other driver's side window. You have your choice of messages, including: DRIVE ALREADY!, MOVE IT, WILL YA? and YOU LOOK GREAT, NOW DRIVE!
• Passing a mom yelling at her kids, looking like she's about to lose it? Send her the condolences flag with the message, "BEEN THERE, SISTER. HANG TOUGH." 
• Someone tailgating you? The rear flag might offer a warning that you are about to stop suddenly so  unless they want to get up close and personal real fast, BACK OFF. Or, as seen on bumper stickers, other flag messages might include: "Please don't tailgate. It makes me nervous and then I start farting." Or "Tailgaters have tiny penises."
• For the senior citizen (aged 80+), you would have a flag with extra large print that reads WOULDN'T PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION SAVE YOU GAS MONEY? 

These are just a few of my suggestions for the DDVCS. The deluxe model of the system would allow you to customize your options. What would you include in yours?