This ad in last week's Entertainment Weekly caught my attention. And it's still on my mind. In fact, I've asked most of my friends for their opinions about it because I'm not particularly pleased with my reaction.
See, here's the thing: I don't in any way have a "problem" with homosexuality. I have gay friends and gay family members. I'm completely in favor of equal rights for gay couples. Heck, I even argued in favor of gay marriage in my Dale Carnegie course 20 years ago, and I asked our church leaders if the congregation was "welcome and affirming" when we were considering joining the church. Rob and I actually had the distinction of being the only heterosexual couple in a restaurant in Greenwich Village during Gay Pride week about 15 years ago (which probably explains the lousy service and strange looks we received). And yet, my reaction to this ad was/is that it's icky.
And do you know why I find it icky? Because these apparently loving and committed gentlemen are lying on a bed, in their boxers, in an ad for KY. Immediately the connection takes me places that I don't want to go. If they were America's Top Couple for Sealy Mattresses, or Hanes underwear, I wouldn't have given it a second thought.
I've tried to decide how I would react if America's Top KY Couple were a man and woman in their 70s, or two women, or a "typical" married couple in their 40s. I think the old folks lying in bed in their skivvies would be a bit of a turn off, a clear case of TMI. The women? Would it depend how they looked? The classic married couple wouldn't have phased me in the least.
So I'm concerned. Does my reaction to this ad mean I'm not as open-minded and accepting as I thought? Or is the ad inappropriate?
If you've ever considered commenting on a blog post, please comment on this one. I really want everyone's opinion. And I trust that all my Freakin' Angel readers will keep it respectful. Thanks.
After you leave your comment, continue scrolling down until that security code thing appears which you have to type in. I've been hearing from folks that they've tried to comment and it doesn't show up.
14 comments:
In reading your words - the ick factor is a result of the combination of the gay men AND the KY. If it was just one of those two (gay men or KY) you would have been ok. Right?
So gay men using KY icks you out and you would prefer not to be presented with advertisements that conjure up such an image. I didnt hear you say you were offended by it -- just grossed out. There are so many ads today that push the limit on what is acceptable but do it in a way that makes us laugh or masks the obvious (Every tampon commercial is an exercise in metaphoric euphemisms, right?) So I think the fact that homsexuals using KY grosses you out but heterosexuals using it doesn't might suggest you have some issues worth meditating on. But probably not. I assume this is the first time you have seen such an ad and perhaps the shock value got the best of you.
Personally, I'm okay with it all. But I share some of your preferences. Just because I have no desire to watch gay porn doesnt mean I'm homophobic. So don't be too hard on yourself.
I'm going to post seriously, even though my DNA is vibrating in opposition to this.
First, nobody should ever be made to feel bad for how they react to something. Your feelings are yours. They're a product of your life. You can lie to the rest of us, but you shouldn't ever feel the need to do so.
How we treat people, in our words as well as our actions, is the important part. Beyond that, as long as your mind is open to conversation and dialogue about important matters (like this), I think you've done your due diligence.
We're all evolving (hopefully) towards being more accepting, welcoming and loving. If the guys above stopped by your house in the middle of the night and needed help after a car accident, you would respond with kindness commensurate with what you'd show your oldest friend.
I've known you long enough to know you're as tolerant and loving as they come. At least to strangers. You're a bit rough on your friends. And your dog. And...but I digress.
As for the ad, I find it to be icky as well. Not because it shows two guys as a couple, but because of the KY sponsorship. But I'd find that to be the case with any two people if I didn't want to imagine them having sex. That would exclude ugly heterosexual couples as well. It's not like the sponsor is Johnson's baby oil. It's a sexual product.
Good luck with the soul searching, it's good for you I hear.
Hmm, there are so many veriables here. Would you be ok with your son or daughter being involved in a homosexual relationship? The fact that you don't want to think about the details of a homosexual relationship doesnt mean your not open minded or accepting. As long as you dont fall into the catagory "I have many gay friends but if my child were gay I couldnt accecpt it, or I have many black friends but if my son or daughter dated out side the race I could handle it" your fine. I think I could probably make the statement I know more happy gay couple then straight.
Dear Anonymous - I can honestly say I'd be okay with whatever and whomever my child would choose as long as it made them happy. And if that individual could get them to clean up after themselves and brush their teeth, so much the better!
I agree with Emily. I had much the same reaction as you to the ad (the Ick factor!) but I have that reaction to many ads that are distateful (including those horrid KY commercials with the gushing oil geyser) Maybe it makes me a prude, but I don't really want to think about other couples having sex - gay, straight, old, young, beautiful or ugly.
I think the ad is brilliant! It pushes the envelope. I'd be curious to see how the folks at KY decide to follow up this ad in next week's issue. And I won't hold it against you! The whole purpose of the ad is to get this sort of reaction out of people (and maybe sell some more KY along the way!)...
Oh I have to totally agree that it is more an ICK factor than anything else. In general I find the commercials where the woman tells us (in her husband's absence) that it is SO the product and not the equipment almost as icky. I don't care so much what other people are doing in private moments--I just don't need to visualize it.
I find that ads like this one for KY just add far too much fuel to my already visually-oriented imagination. I also prefer NOT to hear about my parents' (ahem)entertainment and am pretty sure that I will not want to hear about my daughter's when she is all grown up & moved out either.
May I suggest as well that it is a matter of personal preference....as a heterosexual, I can easily assume that the KY is used for something that I personally might enjoy. When you see the male couple, well, I think you get the picture.
(Love reading your entries Kim, even if I don't comment all the time!)
I don't think your reaction is so much that it is a gay couple but for the sexual act that the use of KY implies is about to happen. If their were an ad with a heterosexual couple that implied that act was about to take place I think you would have the same reaction. Ask yourself if you would be icked out by a gay couple in a Kool-Aid ad. I doubt it. I consider myself extremely open-minded and accepting but I consider the ad inappropriate because it's in EW. In Playboy or Maxim or Cosmo, no problem. Those magazines deal with sexuality on a regular basis. EW is an entertainment magazine and I would expect the advertising to follow in the same vein.
If the ad was in a "gay" magazine it would probably be okay, but I agree it is icky.
I agree with you that it's TMI, would have been that much less icky if they were sitting on chairs. Or as Anonymous commented, if the ad was in a gay magazine.
Reminds me of a concert I went to featuring a male voice choir on tour, and in the program it said, "The Choir is a proud member of the Gays and Lesbians Choir Association" (or something like that). Hmmm. Why did I need to know that to appreciate their singing? Kind of spoiled the rest of the show for me as I wondered who was in the choir just to be on tour with their partner... etc. I mentioned it on an internet forum I belonged to and got shot down in flames as being homophobe, which I'm not.
Don't laugh too hard but as I looked briefly at the picture and read your blog i thought the couple was "couple of the year from Kentucky" - KY!!!! thought you would enjoy to hear that!!!
Commenting on this late I apologize...
Kim, I think Mark said it best "First, nobody should ever be made to feel bad for how they react to something. ....." Etc.
I don't have any problem with the add but I have spent alot more time in Theater, Choirs and the Navy than you have so I am more comfortable than most straight guys.
Overall I think you are OK but you might want to spend a little more time with your "gay" friends to appreciate the humor more. It is an absolutely hilarious ad mostly because the guys were kind of not hot and I know the first think out of my gay friends mouth would be "ick, I wouldn't waste my KY on either one of them"
on a side note...
I hate to comment on other comments but I will anyway... If you cannot enjoy the choir because they mention the organization they come from then you are a bit of a homophobe whether you admit it or not. Would you have wondered which one was Catholic or not if they had said they were from the Cathlic choirs assoc....
Sorry if I should have kept this to myself...
K
Several thoughts...
1. I'm not a big fan of any KY ad, although this is more palatable than the TV ads I've seen. I just think some products don't need prime time placement. (I feel the same way about Cialis and Viagra ads!)
2. I love the article and the concept of offering profiles on successful couples of all kinds! And Geoffrey and Rusty's story is great.
3. Confession: I had the same initial assumption that Tammy did: I thought the KY reference was geographic, not promotional!
4. Upon closer consideration, there is an ICK factor for me. I don't think it's related to homophobia though. I think it's is related to the assumption that the lubrication is needed for anal sex. I don't care who is involved in the intercourse: that just never did it for me!
Well, you did ask!
Frankly, I was surprised by the ad when I opened my EW magazine--a bold move on their part, and a bold move by K-Y (Johnson & Johnson, A Family Company). I plan to use the ad (and the apparent lack of Republican right-wing controversy over it) in an upcoming class on mass media and the so-called culture war. Bravo to those who voted for this couple--and for those with an "ick" factor, I'd say the Charmin bear-in-the-woods TV commercials with the stuck TP are far more damaging.
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