Kids: We Already We Know What They Cost Us Mentally...

"Not only am I going to suck the life out of you, I'm also going to bleed you dry financially."

According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, on average, it costs $249,180 to raise a child to the age of 18 in a dual-parent household with an annual income of $65,800+ . That includes:

• Housing
• Food
• Transportation
• Childcare/education (not college)
• Clothing
• Health 
• Miscellaneous

Interestingly, the average cost per year stays roughly the same until the "child" is between the ages of 15-17 when expenses increase about $1,000 a year. This confirms my suspicion that there's a kind of psychological bait & switch going on in the minds of parents everywhere. Every time we think we've beaten the system, the system beats us down. 

The cruel financial reality of child-rearing was brought home this past weekend when Rob took Ian to get a cell phone. First of all, I don't think Ian's lifestyle requires a phone. He never actually goes anywhere that he needs one, and if he did have to make a call, all his friends have a phone. Use theirs, for cryin' out loud. But Rob and I respond to peer pressure, so Ian got his new toy. The price of the phone was bad enough, but then there's the monthly service fees. Naturally, Rob didn't select the basic plan that I would have cheaply logically chosen. 

And that's when it hit me. Earlier this summer I had been doing a little happy dance in my head (cause no one wants to see me do an actual happy dance), because our days of paying a babysitter are nearly over. I was rejoicing thinking of the money we are going to save. And then, voila! An additional cell phone bill. And that unfortunate reality caused me to reflect on all the other times I've done the happy dance just to be slapped in the head with a different and equally costly expense. For example:

• End of formula, baby food, and diapers = Beginning of preschool tuition
• End of preschool tuition = Beginning of elementary school supplies, clothing (since no one dotes on your little one with gifts of cute outfits anymore), and sports team fees
• [Note: all this time, you're paying a babysitter even if you just want to go to Target to get away from the kids for a couple hours.]
• End of lots of relatively cheap toys = Beginning of a few really expensive gadgets
• End of paying a babysitter = Beginning of cell phone bills and adult-priced meals when dining out

So that's the level of purgatory where I am now. Two growing kids who eat increasing amounts of food, care about what they're wearing, want every new technological gadget under the sun, and require ridiculous sports team fees or college-tuition priced karate lessons. And the long term outlook for expenses doesn't appear even slightly brighter. 

All the single and child-free couples out there are just laughing at us parents as they jet to Europe, dine in five-star restaurants, ski in Vail, and vacation any old time they feel like it. If I knew then what I know now....


...Yeah, I'd do it all over again.