How about a Hug?

"A hug is like a boomerang - you get it back right away."
--Bil Keane, "Family Circus"

Let's talk about hugging, shall we? 

Hugs are on my mind for two reasons:

1. I saw the Hugging Lady at church on Sunday, and
2. I heard on the radio that in order for a hug to be effective, it needs to last 20 seconds. 

The Hugging Lady (not to be confused with the Cutco Knife Guy) has been a member of my church for a long time, and my sense is that she's been hugging folks from day one. In fact, I'm pretty sure she introduced herself as a hugger the very first time I met her and I had to brace myself for her embrace. The most interesting thing about the Hugging Lady is that you more than tolerate her. To be honest, you actually find yourself looking forward to seeing her. Ah, here comes the hugger. I'm ready and willing! Here it is Wednesday, and I'm still feeling the residual effects of my Sunday hug. That's powerful stuff!

As it turns out, a hug really is powerful stuff -- even the "experts" agree. A few years ago, a team from the University of North Carolina studied the effects of hugging on both partners in 38 couples.The study showed hugs increased levels of oxytocin, a "bonding" hormone, and reduced blood pressure which cuts the risk of heart disease. The study required 20 second hugs which must be where the radio station I was listening to got its bit of data.

After I heard about this 20 second requirement, I forced Ian into an extended embrace one day after school. Being the cool kid he is, he allowed it. We both learned that 20 seconds is actually quite a long time to hug someone. Ian noted afterward, "You may not want to hug your boss that long, like after she gives you your paycheck. That might be a little weird." The kid makes an excellent point.

Now, if this post has moved you to hug someone in order to lower your blood pressure or just to make someone's day, here is a quick primer on how to hug. Hugging may sound simple, but it will help to keep a few things in mind. First, non-hugs are no good. In his book Caring, Feeling, Touching, Dr Sidney Simon describes five non-hugs: 

1. The A-frame hug, in which nothing but the huggers’ heads touch.
2. The half-hug, where the huggers’ upper bodies touch—while the other half twists away.
3. The chest-to-chest burp, in which the huggers pat each other on the back, defusing the physical contact by treating each other like infants being burped.
4. The wallet-rub, in which two people stand side-by-side and touch hips.
5. The jock-twirl, in which the hugger, who is stronger or bigger, lifts the other person off the ground and twirls him. 

I found a website, "All that Women Want," which featured a "Hugging for Health" piece by Kevin Eikenberry, speaker, trainer, author, and president of the Discian Group, a learning consulting company. Kevin suggests the follow hug How-Tos (my snide comments are in italics):

• Begin the hug with great eye contact. This communicates to the receiver the spirit in which the hug is being given. In other words, based on your eye contact, we can tell if you've got an ulterior motive with that hug.
• Be present during the hug. Even if the hug is only for three seconds (though, remember, aim for 20 seconds for maximum health benefits), devote your total energy and focus on the person you are hugging. Feel how good it feels to both give and receive. 
• When you finish the hug and are pulling away, make great eye contact again. This further blesses the receiver, and communicates a positive feeling to them. Again, this assumes the hugger is not creepy and skeeving you out.
• A hug is not an opportunity to burp the other person! Be gentle. This goes especially for the guys - a hug isn't the start of a wrestling match either. (See #3 above)
• If you are much taller than the other person, bend your knees. If you are hugging children, get on your knees and be at their eye level. If they are small enough, pick them up to hug them. Make the hug comfortable and a blessing. 

Mr. Eikenberry says, "All of these guidelines are about making the hug a completely positive, giving experience. As in many other things in our lives, when we think about others, we can make better decisions. The same is true for hugs - hug with the huggee in mind!"

I would have to say that the Hugging Lady at church follows the hugging guidelines to the letter. She's really got it down pat. I would also add that the Hugging Lady never has body odor or bad breath. I think Mr. Eikenberry should add those rules to his list.

Now, I recommend that you find someone to hug, following the suggestions above, and then report back on your findings. And if you have your own hugging guidelines or hugging no-nos, please feel free to share.