If I Join this Gym, Can I Still Eat Cheesesteaks and Drink Beer?

There was no denying it any longer. The passion was gone. It had been months since I felt the desire that once stirred within me. I knew a change was needed, and today, I took the leap.

I joined a gym.

For the past eight years, my fitness efforts have been centered around one man and one school. Master Aaron and World Class Martial Arts. Master Aaron has been very good to me and for me. He recognizes and knows how to respond to my dangerously unstable quirky emotional state. He's been a pro at motivating me. He's become a friend. Without him I would not be a second degree black belt today. But over the past several months I've become unfocused, disengaged, and overwhelmed. I've reached a point in my training where I no longer feel I can reach the next level of performance. Quite possibly I've maxed out on my potential as a martial artist. I know Master Aaron will disagree with me, but my decision is made and I have the pricey contract to prove it.

My decision to join the Healthplex in Springfield was not easily made. When joining a fitness center there's much to take into consideration:

• Monthly expense (we know I'm cheap frugal)
• Proximity to home
• Available equipment and classes
• Timing of classes
• The clientele

Let's be honest, the folks you'll be working out with are an extremely important factor in the decision-making process. Fitness centers vary tremendously in whom they attract. In fact, the Planet Fitness chain has a successful ad campaign based on exactly this. In addition to the muscle-heads, as a rule I also want to avoid:

• The beautiful people whose workout clothes are cuter than my "going out" clothes
• The young, bubbly, and impossibly thin crowd
• The health nuts who drink carrot juice while standing around talking about the hottest new vegan restaurant
• Anyone who is my age or older but looks way better than me

Clearly, I am never going to find such a place, so the Healthplex seemed as good a place as any. It's close to home. It's got a zillion classes to choose from (I'm a class kind of person. I get motivated by having people around me who might judge me if I don't put in real effort). And Rob is already a member so I didn't have to pay the obscene initiation fee.

So we'll see how this turns out. I've got my first appointment with a trainer tonight and I'm prepared with my answers when she asks what my goals are:

• To lose the stuffing that's been hiding all my buff muscles
• To fit more comfortably in my current wardrobe
• To be able to continue to eat whatever the hell I want

Not too much to ask, is it?