A Word from Wood about "The Bachelor"

Jim Wood: "Yes He Can!"

I know, I know. My material has been downright depressing a little dry lately. While I'm in class this week, I have invited a friend to guest post for me. Jim Wood is a funny guy. He should lighten things up considerably for you. I would point you to Jim's site so you can start to follow him, but alas, my smart and funny friend does not yet have a blog. He shares his wacky humor on Facebook. Perhaps this is just the incentive he needs to get his butt in gear and start a site of his own. 

Now, without further ado, I present...

Do I Really Wanna Be The Bachelor? 

by Jim Wood

 

I've decided there could be no better topic for my guest post on Kim's site then the topic of women. Something that we, as men, seem to think of as the weaker sex when actually, the human female is one of the most beautiful, complex and confusing creatures in existence.

When I say "confusing and complex" I'm not talking about chemical imbalances, X chromosomes or anything like that. No, when I use these words to describe the thing God took a rib to create I'm referring to a woman's relationship with television and in particular "The Bachelor".

For the life of me, I can not grasp why women get so giddy when this show is on. From the time they announce who "The Bachelor" is, to the first date, to the "Women Tell All" special, it's a non-stop estrogen fest that women can't get enough of.

Which makes me wanna be The Bachelor.

Where else can you be a guy living in the lap of luxury and have twenty five women all fawning over you for your attention? Women who have never seen or met you and yet would kiss you up and down for no other reason than getting a flower. Women who would bring you beer dressed as a french maid or feed you strawberries dressed in a toga while you lie on the couch watching the ballgame? Women who didn't mind at all if you left the seat up or dirty socks lying around. Yea, I could get used to six weeks of that.

And yet, if I watch a few episodes with my wife I quickly come to the conclusion that this show actually turns women AGAINST men.

You see, everyone knows the Bachelor obviously has to send someone home. And I think as the weeks go by and the women become fewer and the decision on who to send packing becomes harder, women at home start choosing their favorites. And if that favorite happens to be the one sent packing then woe to “The Bachelor” (and any and all nearby men).

From then on "The Bachelor" becomes all about male bashing. And that's when the wife or significant other turns to her man angrily and says something like this:

"Oh, he just chose her because she's got big boobs...he's like all men...he's like YOU...You'd pick her because of her boobs WOULDN'T YOU??...PIG."

At this point me and the dog (also a male) make the dreaded walk of shame to the bedroom with ears down and tail between our legs and close the door. And so I'm thinking if this happens to me as an innocent bystander then maybe I really don't wanna be The Bachelor.

This process continues weekly until the final rose and proposal when the Bachelor finds his "soul mate." A soul mate for all of two months until they are both back in the "real world" and subsequently break it off. And a few months later the whole thing starts all over again.

If I'm really lucky though the next series, a few months later, will be "The Bachelorette." At least that way the women watching can oooh and aaah all over the hunky guys and be proud of the woman being in the dominant role of chooser.

Until then, I'll let my wife bask in the glory of "The Bachelor." She can enjoy her male bashing; I'll stick with my sports and beer.

But next time she asks me the question I'm going to answer honestly: 

"Yes Honey, I would have picked her because she has big boobs".....