Things that Make You Go "Hmmm" Volume 5

Well, either you still haven't peaked or else you're life has been one big peak and you didn't want to make the rest of us feel bad. Even though I'm disappointed in your lack of response to my last post, A Peek at Peaking, I'm going to treat you to Things that Make You Go "Hmmm" which is always a crowd favorite. (I've really perfected the mom guilt, haven't I?).

For those of you who are new to this series of posts, Things that Make You Go "Hmmm" is a compilation of strange media requests I've found primarily in the daily emails I receive from HARO (Help a Reporter Out). The source of the request is in parentheses. Some of them are real head scratchers. Others are just plain funny when taken out of context. Now, without further ado...

1. Ways to Be a Happy Mom (iVillage) - I'd say you definitely decreased the possibility of true happiness when you had the kid, but now that you're saddled with them, I recommend wine or boarding school.
   
2. What are the Signs You Might be Carjacked? (National publication/news site)  - The guy pointing a gun at your head saying "move over, I'm driving" is a pretty good indicator.
   
3. That Lettuce Issue Everyone is Talking About. To Buy Bagged or Bulked? (Frugivore)  - Everyone is talking about this? Clearly I'm being left out of a lot of conversations.  I just knew my friends were keeping secrets from me.
   
4. Drunk shopping: How it can pickle your finances (major finance site) - Ya think?
   
5. Why do men cry at weddings? (pitch process) (Anonymous) - The same reason women do -- they just realized what they've gotten themselves into.
   
6. Does your town have a cat for a mayor? (National pet website) - Any town stupid enough to elect a cat for public office deserves to be disappointed. Everyone knows dogs do a much better job in that position.
   
7. And speaking of animals... Can your pet do a cool kitchen-related trick? (Anonymous)  - Maddie, God rest her dog soul, could make an entire shoo fly pie disappear before your very eyes.
   
8. Are you afraid that your teenage daughter is too promiscuous for her age? Now Casting (LA Based Talk Show)  - It's fine if she's promiscuous when she gets older.
   
9. Do You Have a Healthy Relationship With Your Vagina*? (Frugivore) -  Sure do. I take her to the gym with me, and out to the movies. Sometimes we even share a good book. It feels like we're always together.
   
10. And finally, How to improve decision making skills (website)  - I really wasn't sure whether to include this one...

*And speaking of vaginas, did you hear there's a new magazine titled "Fifty Shades of American Women Who Love the Book and Live the Life." Seriously. Check out newstands at Barnes & Noble and Walmart. 

Miss Things that Make You Go "Hmmm" volumes 1-4? Here are links to each:

Freakin' Angels: Things that Make You "Hmmm"

Freakin' Angels: Things that Make You Go "Hmmm," Part 2

Freakin' Angels: Not Feeling the Love, People

Freakin' Angels: Things that Make You Go Hmmm, Volume IV

Things that Make You Go Hmmm, Volume IV

It's time for a new entry in the popular Freakin' Angels series "Things that Make You Go Hmmm." I pull these from media requests that I receive via email from a number of sources, with Help a Reporter Out (HARO) offering the most goodies for our amusement. (To be fair, they also offer the most legitimate leads.)

Without further ado....Things that Make You Go Hmmm, Volume IV

1. Looking for people who have adopted dogs from the Caribbean (for a top travel site) -I'm relieved to know that we're taking care of dogs from the Caribbean, now that all the dogs in America have good homes. Perhaps you would adopt a dog from the Caribbean so you'd have an excuse to go back and visit "family?"
   
2. I KEPT my New Year's Resolution (Woman's Day) - Further evidence that you can't believe everything you read.
   
3. Swimming hairstyles for kids (SheKnows.com) - What the heck is a swimming hairstyle? Is there something possible outside of WET? Or perhaps they're referring to this toddler favorite:
   
4. Embarrassed by a Loved One? Tell them on TV! (CW Talk Show) - That should even things out in the embarrassment department.
   
5. Do You Think Plastics are Making You Fat? (ABC Television Network) - It couldn't be the calories in all the food you're eating. Must be the plastic plate you're eating it off of.
   
6. Was Your Father A Sperm Donor? (Radio Show) - Um, I'm here, aren't I?
   
7. Do You Have Pain After Spin Class? (ABC Television Network) - Hell yeah. Dumb question.
   
8. Info About "Dead Butt Syndrome" (Health Website) - A close relative to "Sleeping Foot Syndrome?"
   

9. Do you work with naked people? (Anonymous) - I think I might prefer to see dead people. Unless I worked with the cast of Magic Mike.
   
10. Local football team selling mattresses to raise funds. - Okay, this isn't a media request; this is an actual sale for a school football team near my home. Is it just me or is that the most bizarre fundraising item you've ever heard of? "Hey, honey, we really need a new mattress. What do you say we head over the gym at XYZ High School and pick one up from the football team?"

Things that make you go HMMM. 

Have any bizarro notes to share?

If you missed any of the first three volumes, you can find them here:

One

Two

Three (a.k.a. "I'm Not Feeling the Love, People") - note that I was angry with most of you when I wrote this third post.

Things that Make You Go "Hmmm," Part 2

I thought as we head into the weekend I'd keep it light. I've got some heavy topics in mind, like prayer and faith, and greeting cards, but they can wait. The sun is shining after a night of crazy storms and I'm headed to the beach this weekend. Life is good.

So here we are with my second volume of "Things that Make You Go Hmmm," compliments of the occasionally head-scratching, wacky requests I read in my daily emails from HARO - Help a Reporter Out. If you're not familiar with HARO, it features requests from authors, reporters, bloggers, radio & tv producers, etc. looking for experts or specific types of individuals to interview for a story. So, without further ado...

Things that Make You Go "Hmmm"

1. Need someone who can confirm the veracity of turd burgers (gives new meaning to "this burger takes like sh*t")
2. Guys: Where Do You Poop? (hint, wherever you find the newspaper)
3. Looking for women whose parents bought them egg freezing as graduation gifts (because a new car is so overrated)
4. Keeping kids learnign (sic) during summer (maybe whoever typed this should keep learning over the summer, too)
5. Cooking Virgins (at first I  honestly thought that they meant cooking virgins...for eating)
6. Can a Neat Freak Marry a Slob? (yes, but the marriage could be messy)
7. What makes a good mother? (duh. wine.)
8. Casting Professional Chefs - Must Be Divorced (cause nothing will kill a marriage faster than having a spouse who can cook) 
9. Does the number of vasectomies increase during March Madness? (sounds like one of those research projects the government should spend a few millions on)
10. Creative ways to remember your pregnancy (pretty sure the kid will be a constant reminder...)
11. People who dig holes (I personally dig rock solid abs)
12. Needs Tips on How to Have Quiet Sex in an Apt Bldg Setting (find a particularly lousy partner?)
13. How to raise clean kids (I'd like the person who knows the answer to call me)
14. Did U wear more than 10 wedding dresses at your wedding? (seriously?)
15. Do you eat metal, baking soda, paper, glue, chalk or dirt? (I used to eat paste and boogers, do they count?)

If you think you have it in you to provide answers to these types of questions and many more normal ones, I encourage you to subscribe to Help a Reporter Out. Good stuff!