It only took me about five years of marriage to realize that I had absolutely no chance of ever controlling my husband. Nagging, complaining and demanding gets me nothing except a pissed off man. In fact, he told me early on in our relationship that he doesn't like to be "should upon." Got it. Of course he would tell you that I occasionally slip up and try to make a helpful
suggestion.
Given that I exert no influence over my husband, it was only natural that I should want children so that I could control
someone something in my life. "
And that turned out really well," she said sarcastically. I've learned to accept that my children and I don't like the same music, clothes or degree of cleanliness in our bedrooms, and I'm even becoming accustomed to the way they completely ignore my
demands requests. The one thing that still gets my panties in a twist, however, is the frustrating difference between "mom time" and "teen time" when it comes to getting somewhere or getting things done.
One of my children is a lot like me, exhibiting those
desirable Type A traits and taking care of business on a daily basis. My other child is not quite as
neurotic,
high strung,
obsessive driven. This didn't matter as much when that child was younger and it was okay for me to manage his/her life, but now, as a teenager, it's time for me to step away and let him/her take care of those things which are most definitely in his/her control. Examples include finding a summer job, pursuing areas of interest, choosing colleges to visit over spring break, and applying for special programs /opportunities that are awaiting smart kids like him/her.
Let's just say we do not express the same
manic tendency level of enthusiasm for completing tasks. I'm not even sure if this child has a to do list. Dear God, how does one function in this world without a to do list? My child's slower pace is maddening for a
formerly geeky girl like me who finished every term paper ahead of schedule and does a happy dance every time she accomplishes something.
Just last night while together with friends, I
went on and on about casually mentioned my frustration with what I perceive to be a lack of initiative on the part of this child. Case in point. Said child is very interested (he/she doesn't fake it when he/she is not interested) in attending a summer program at one of my alma maters, yet, with a deadline looming (May 1!) said child still had not started the application. The past rainy, dreary weekend had been the perfect time to accomplish such an assignment. I believe I may have casually mentioned this to my child, but alas he/she did not see the same obvious opportunity that I did. Clearly he/she was never going to take care of this and the deadline was going to pass, and I was just going to have to be okay with that because it's time for him/her to take responsibility.
My friends listened sympathetically. We drank margaritas.
Upon returning home - in a much better mood than when I left - my child asked me to digitally sign his/her application for the summer program. Which he/she had completed while I was out
bitching seeking guidance from fellow moms.
Ah yes, another classic parenting moment and an important reminder that just because my children don't do things my way or as quickly as I would like, doesn't mean they're doing them wrong. Of course doing it my way is always preferable and is more likely to result in success in life (and extremely high stress levels), but it's okay to let my kids be who they are. Remind me about this next year when it's time for said child to start preparing for SATs...
