What about the Man?

The response to Monday's "You Call It Bigamy, I Call It a Break" post was overwhelmingly positive. Women seemed to support the idea and clearly see the benefits of having sister-wives. Interestingly, not a single man commented on my proposal. One would think that they would be thrilled with having a bevy of women to call their own. But then again, as my husband pointed out, "you'd have to remember all those birthdays." I believe in male-ese that translates into "you'd have to listen to exponentially greater amounts of nagging."

Those women who expressed an interest in joining me as sister-wives had just one question:

How do we select the man?

An excellent question, indeed. And I should note that not one of them suggested or requested their own husband. Interesting...

In the interest of harmony at home, I will recommend my husband, Rob MacPherson. He has a great deal going for him, including an excellent sense of humor, intelligence, a love of children (much greater than my own), an easy going nature, a good job, and access to Phillies tickets. I must warn you, however, that he can be volatile when hungry, lacking caffeine, watching the Phils lose, or attempting home repairs.

Understanding that my husband may not be every woman's cup of tea (though I can't imagine why), I do see value in my friend Emily's suggestion that we rotate them in and out. There are definite advantages to this approach:

• We wouldn't get bored
• They wouldn't get overwhelmed by having so many demanding, nagging different women to please
• And most importantly, each man has something different to offer. For example:
• Kim G.'s husband has home improvement skills
• Dawn's husband likes to clean more than any woman I've ever met
• Theresa's guy enjoys coaching sports teams and knows how to handle multiple boys as well as Sunday school classes
• Rebecca's husband enjoys seeing Broadway musicals and also writing them!
• Karen A's man is a chef (we may rotate him in more often than others)
• Mo's husband enjoys boating and fishing (this is important to me, hence it makes the list)
• Kim S.'s husband is like the Pied Piper. Kids just gravitate toward him.
• Emily's husband can give surfing lessons and teach poetry writing

Please note that if I didn't include your husband in this list it's either because he is a Mets fan (there are some things that just aren't acceptable, even in bigamy), a "dumbass," or I couldn't think of anything off the top of my head. It's not because they have nothing to offer. I hope.

So there you have it, ladies. A foolproof plan to give ourselves a break and bond together with those who best understand and appreciate us. What could go wrong?

You Call It Bigamy, I Call It a Break

Mother's Day got me thinking about that West African proverb "It takes a whole village to raise a child." The "whole village" idea got me thinking about communes. Communes, however, can include more than one man. I figure women can get by, as a group, with only one man. To do the heavy lifting and mow the grass. Since a commune is out of the question because of that multiple men thing, I decided I'm willing to entertain the Mormon concept of sister wives. "Bigamy" has such a negative connotation, but the idea of sister wives holds definite appeal.

This is a shocking statement from a woman who, for more than half her life, overwhelmingly preferred the company of men to the company of women. I don't know whether it's marriage, motherhood, age, or all the Freakin' Angels in my life, but somewhere along the line, I switched allegiances. Now I can't imagine life without the ladies.

So back to this idea of sister wives. If you have close relationships with any of the women in your life, the advantages of this concept are obvious. Besides being more often relieved of certain wifely obligations and having regular breaks from the kids, the sister wives arrangement presents an opportunity to take the best from each other and play to one another's strengths. In thinking about just a few of the women I'd like to invite into my sister wives community, it's clear that we could cover a great deal of ground, improve ourselves individually, and raise some well-rounded and impressive children. Here's a sampling of what they have to offer:

• Cathie - fashion sense and well-dressed children
• Dawn - clean children
• Karen - craft brew expertise and fitness training (an odd combination, I know)
• Jen - creativity, science, teaching
• Kim G. - kindness, thoughtfulness, and faith-building
• Emily - college admissions (she's my Ivy leaguer) and advice for achieving professional success while raising a family
• Mo - organizational skills and attention to detail
• Theresa - cooking, knitting, sewing, nurturing
• Kim S. - If I recall correctly, I think she loves to clean?
• Mindy - Math
• Karen A. - an easy-going, healthy approach to life, plus an expert in the delivery room (babies, not mail)
• Kathy W. - legal expertise (to represent the sister wife who eventually smothers our one husband with a pillow)
• Lori - speech therapy and other stuff to help kids
• Andria - arts & crafts
• Rebecca - cultural adviser (movies, Broadway plays, writing) and sister wife "in-house" minister

Teaming up with these women would leave me with nothing to do except catch up on my reading and movie viewing. See how perfect this is?

In addition to sharing the load and raising the kids, sister wives would provide the support, encouragement, and sensitivity that men struggle with. They know how to listen without trying to solve, know when to offer a tissue, hug, or shoulder, and know to stay out of your way when you're emotionally unstable. 

Before I leave you with an invitation to consider my sister wives proposal, I'd like to add just one more woman to the mix. Freakin' Angel Ann Bates is a doctor, healer, and one of the most faithful believers I've ever met. I wrote about Ann last April, shortly before she and her husband and young son Nicholas moved to Princeton. At that time, Ann was on the mend from a bone marrow transplant, about eight years after she survived brain cancer. I'm saddened to say that today Ann is undergoing surgery to remove a new brain tumor. I'm certain that before she arrived at the hospital this morning, her thoughts were with her friends and family and whether they would all be okay through this. Her spirits were positive and encouraged and her faith rested in God.

Do me a favor and 1) count your blessings, 2) give thanks for the Freakin' Angels in your life, 3) pray for Ann, her family, and her complete recovery.  Trust me - this is a woman you want in your sister wives mix.