I'm Going 'Round, 'Round, 'Round...

I'm picturing a hamster cage, sort of like the one here on the right. It's got a nice little hang out pad or dome on one end, which connects by a tube or passageway to the hamster wheel on the other side.

I believe I've become the hamster.

I've been here before; I think most of us have. It happens when we over-commit, forget how to say "no," and make promises we're not sure we want to keep. We find ourselves spinning madly out of control and getting nowhere fast.

Here's the situation. Everyday I go to work and do a job that I absolutely love. I know what needs to be done, I know how to do it, and I enjoy my responsibilities. I consider this the "hang out dome" part of my day. I am steady and content and sitting on my butt (at the computer) for hours on end. But around 3:30 or 4:00 p.m. as my day is about to end (hey, I start at 7:30 a.m., so don't judge me), I start to feel the slightest pang of anxiety. On my drive home, the traffic is much heavier than it should be, giving me entirely too much time to think. I spend 20-30 minutes considering what my options are once I reach my humble abode. For most people, heading home after eight-plus hours in the office is the best part of their day; the at home options are far better than whatever they've just left behind. For me, this transition time is the equivalent of the tube/passageway section of the hamster cage. As I pass through, my anxiety reaches a dangerous level, and before I know it, I'm on the hamster wheel.

As I spin, I know I have some decisions to make, namely, what should I do with my time? There's the gym, and I know I should go, but I don't want to go, even though I always feel better afterwards. Then there's my never-ending list of things to do. If I could handle just a few small things, I'd spend less of my weekend making myself (and my children) miserable with what needs to be done. One of my most stressful options responsibilities at home is making dinner. Like the gym, this is something I know I should do (if not for me, at least for the children), but don't want to do. Unlike the gym, however, I rarely feel better when I'm done. Mostly because my cooking stinks and I don't know what to make, and God forbid I try anything new (the picky eater being me).

If I survive those couple of hours before dinnertime, I now face a decision about what to do with my evening. That's assuming I don't have a meeting on the calendar for youth committee, church session, or book club, and that Abby doesn't have a sporting event that I'd like to attend (providing me with a very good excuse reason to not take care of other stuff). Do I clean? Maybe I should handle the laundry. Or put the dishes in the dishwasher, and wipe off the table, stove and kitchen counters. For some reason, the prospect of cleaning up after I've just tortured myself by making dinner (or serving bagel bites), is more than I can bear. And don't suggest that I have the kids clean up. No one else in the house can properly load a dishwasher. But I digress.

Because I am a completely insane individual, I recently decided that it would be fun to add a little something extra to my list of time-killing obligations. I committed to spending about 10 hours a week handling the social media for an organization I'm fond of. Normally this is the kind of work that I would thoroughly enjoy, but because 1) it's brand new, and 2) I'm spinning on a hamster wheel, the whole thing has me a little stressed out and wondering what I've gotten myself into.

You might be saying to yourself, "I wonder what Kim really wants to do with her time?" Well, it's nice of you to ask, and I'm not embarrassed to say that I want to catch up on American Idol (love that Harry Connick Jr.), watch last week's episode of Scandal, or binge watch some new series. If we want to pretend I'm more highbrow than that, then let's say I'd like to read, or at least play spider solitaire (I'm up to three suits!) or sudoku until my eyes glaze over and I can shut my brain down and go to sleep.

Ah, sleep. My happy place. The other night, Abby asked me why I go to bed so early. Without hesitation, I told her that some people do drugs to deal with stress; I go to bed. (Then I asked her to fill my weekly pill organizer; the irony wasn't lost on either of us). It's true. Sleep has always been a wonderful avoidance technique for me. I recall during college, if I felt the least bit tired, I could convince myself that sleep was more important than my school work. Worked then. Works now.

Not surprisingly, by going to sleep early, the morning comes more quickly. I love mornings. I realize this makes little sense, given the way I've just compared my life to a hamster cage, but for some reason everything dissolves away overnight and I wake up happy, even though I know what I'll face at the 4:00 hour. Makes me think of the movie Groundhog Day when every day is a repeat of the last. I'm detecting a rodent theme here. Of all the animals I could compare myself to...

The good news is that I think I may have found a solution. I've been asked to join the Sanctuary Choir at our church (I felt flattered at the invitation, but in reality 1) they will gladly take anybody and 2) they just want to use me to help bring the median age down closer to 60). Singing has always been a source of joy for me. In fact, it's one of my favorite memories of my Pop Pop: "When you're unhappy, Kim, just sing." So I might say yes to this choir opportunity. That will take care of Thursday nights, giving me one less evening to figure out on my own. Although it does add one more commitment to keep...

Hanging on by a thread...

2013 Movies and Television Year in Review

It's time for Freakin' Angel's 2013 Entertainment Review, one of our most anticipated posts of the year (an unsubstantiated claim). I have to confess that this was not a particularly good year in entertainment for me personally. You may recall that just over a month ago I reported a disturbing pattern of seriousness that appeared to be overtaking over my formerly fluffy downtime. Hence, this review may take a different tone than in years past. But let's get started and see where it takes us.

Let's begin with television. As I said in "Finding Light When Life is Heavy," in 2013 I found myself disappointed with my old television favorites. Once Upon a Time became too bizarre. Hart of Dixie lost its sexy sizzle. New Girl didn't feel so new, or funny, anymore. These mindless treats were replaced by Scandal, which at times was over-the-top disturbing. And I remain committed to Homeland even though Sunday's season finale was a heart breaker. I'm really enjoying Masters of Sex for the articles and I keep hoping I'll learn something. And just this past week I dove into the critically-acclaimed Netflix series Orange is the New Black. As a side note, I must say that I'm already desensitized to the material in these programs. When I watched the first episode of Masters of Sex, what I was seeing (and hearing!) nearly gave me a heart attack (it didn't help that I heard one of the kids walking toward the TV room). Yet, when watching the almost equally graphic first episode of Orange is the New Black, I barely flinched. Interesting, right?

Call me sometime, Matt.

As for other television programming, the one show I'm still enjoying after a number of years is White Collar. I tell myself it's a great concept for a series and the stories are engaging, but if I'm being honest, I watch it because of Matt Bomer. Yes, I know he's not interested in me, or any other woman, but he's beautiful. Enough said. This winter I'm looking forward to the start of Downton Abbey, although if they keep killing off family members, I'm going to have to reconsider its place on my DVR. And, I'm considering returning to American Idol only because they brought Harry Connick Jr. to the judges table and I think he's beautiful too he brings a new level of credibility and class to the program. We'll see.

Moving on to movies. This is where I really failed to deliver in 2013. I don't recall another year in which I saw so few flicks. It pains me to think about how much popcorn I missed. Here are the films I  recall seeing. I've ranked them in order from "must see" to "meh."

1. The Way, Way Back. A great coming of age story with the perfect balance of humor, angst and family dysfunction. 
2. Don Jon. You may be detecting a bit of a theme here, but this was a really great movie about a guy's obsession with pornography and its effect on his relationships. It brings together family, religion, technology, society and cultural expectations. Once you get desensitized in the first scene with its heavy breathing and related noises, it's terrific. A good one for discussion and debate. Watch it with the marriage ministry group at your church!
3. 42. Jackie Robinson's story. See it. 
4. Frozen. I went to see this with my long-time movie companion, Rebecca. Just Rebecca, no kids. And I'm not ashamed in the least. While the story didn't wow me, the music was fantastic, with Broadway's best providing the voices. The visuals were also stunning. And -- spoiler alert -- a man doesn't save the day!
5. Catching Fire. Not sure I liked this as much as The Hunger Games, but it's such a great story with such good actors and fantastic costuming and sets that you must see it on the big screen.
6. Iron Man 3. As far as sequels go, the Iron Man movies are much better than most. 
7. The Internship. Hope you didn't pay to see it like I did. Though I was with Ian, so it was worth every penny to have my 15-year-old son go to the movies with me. The Internship is good for a laugh, that's about it.
8. Monsters University. I was having stomach issues and missed large chunks (no pun intended) of this one. But I hear it was pretty good. 
9. The Great Gatsby. I watched it alone at the theater on a rainy afternoon. It served its purpose.
10. Despicable Me 2. I agree with the critics. It just wasn't as entertaining with Gru as a good guy.
11. Admission. I'm a big fan of Paul Rudd, but he didn't save this ho-hum flick.
12. Blue Jasmine. Ah, the irony. I have not seen a single best picture contender all year, except for this one. I'll admit that Cate Blanchett was thoroughly convincing in her role, but the film was depressing as hell. Ain't nobody got time for that.

So that's it. A dozen 2013 movies. I encourage you to comment on the best films you saw this year, and your favorite TV programs.

In the next post we'll review my 2013 reads (books I read in 2013 versus books published in 2013). Till next time...

Finding Light When Life is Heavy

It looks like 2013 is going to be the year I officially grew up. It's not so much that I feel older, but I think I've matured. I've had to. The past 12 months have been challenging. The loss of family and friends, adjusting to a new job and all that that entails, managing concussions, walking with my church family through the shocking events that have affected our spiritual home, raising increasingly teenage-like teens. You get the idea.

Given the heaviness, you might think I'd be craving more fluff in my life, especially on the entertainment front. More light and silly television, movies, reading material and even music. Surprisingly, that hasn't been the case. It occurred to me the other day that my choices in entertainment are increasingly reflecting the gravity of real life. It seems I've decided to put away childish things. Take television, for instance. In September 2011 I wrote a post dissing reality TV and confessing that, "When I turn to Hollywood entertainment for my ticket out of Funkville, I look for a dreamy escape, something that will make me laugh, or sigh (a happy sigh), or simply put my brain to rest for a short period of time." Back then I wasn't much of a television watcher, but I decided that it was time to see what I'd been missing. With my Entertainment Weekly 2011 Fall TV Preview issue in hand, I selected ten shows that I thought I would enjoy as mind candy. Two years later, six of those programs are still on the air and I've given up on all but one of them (Homeland). I exchanged Once Upon a Time for Scandal. Hart of Dixie is being replaced by Masters of Sex. I opted out of Glee. Even one of my former favorites, New Girl, is on borrowed time. It's not that I don't want to laugh, but it seems that what was once amusing is now silly, senseless or downright stupid. The dramas I've switched to better reflect my mood (and possibly my subconscious desire to sleep with the president, a terrorist and a sex researcher). Perhaps I've grown to realize that consuming fantasy and fluff doesn't make life any easier. Damn, that's depressing, isn't it?

Another tell-tale sign of this maturity trend is my Dial America magazine subscription. For years I've helped support the PA Special Olympics (at least that's what they tell me) with my yearly renewal of Entertainment Weekly. In 2013, however, I opted for TIME instead. Thought it was time I knew what was going on in the world. Though keeping up with the weekly issues is definitely a challenge, I must say that, three months in to the subscription, I already feel considerably smarter, albeit considerably more depressed about the state of our country and the world.

Then there are my choices in books. While I was never particularly fond of chick lit or Harlequin Romances, I did gravitate toward fiction. My last two reads? The Heart and the Fist: The Education of a Humanitarian, the Making of a Navy SEAL and Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail. Both true stories. Both heavy. Heck, even my music's heavier and a little bit harder. All the better with which to vent my aggression and stress. Maybe I should go back to martial arts training, too.

The good news is that with all this weight I've taken on (including about five pounds), I was recently reminded of one source of light and lightness in my life. Believe it or not, it's a man. My husband, to be exact.

Rob and I spent the weekend in Charleston, SC where we met up with three of his fraternity brothers. Great guys. Funny-as-hell guys. Single guys. One is twice divorced and engaged. One is divorced and in a relationship. One has never been married. As fellow Fij came up in conversation, it became increasingly obvious that Rob's and my almost 19-year-old marriage is an anomaly. More importantly, it became obvious that I'm married to a man who understands what's important in life (me), whose values match my own, and who sees the world not through beer goggles rose-colored glasses or cynical eyes, but as it is -- the good and bad -- and never fails to recognize all of life's tremendous blessings.

Life can be heavy and hard, but I can take comfort in knowing that I'm married to a man who stands beside me and lightens whatever burden I carry. I may just try to do the same for him. 

Back to Basics in the Bedroom

It's finally happened. I'm officially a mental slug. It all started with that damn post about the new fall television progamming. I just had to "find something to watch" -- purely for research purposes, of course. " Well, naturally I found several "things" including New Girl, Hart of Dixie, A Gifted Man, Pan Am, Up All Night, and Once Upon a Time. When added to my old standbys--American Idol, Project Runway, Glee, and White Collar--my DVR load is getting a bit heavy. Each evening I rush downstairs to the television like an addict in need of a fix. A guilty pleasure is one thing, but this is ridiculous.

I've had to make sacrifices to keep up with my viewing, namely those overrated activities known as reading and writing. Poor Edgar Sawtelle sits on my nightstand, longing for me to return to his 600-page world. And my blog? Oh, I have ideas for posts on a regular basis, but to sit down and write more often would take time away from the ole "boob tube."

Once upon a time, my bedroom was a safe haven away from the vast wasteland of television, but thanks to freakin' technology, I can now take my viewing with me. While the DVR isn't accessible in our room, a little thing called a laptop, and a littler thing called an iPad, enable me to take my mindless programming to bed with me. It used to be the only mindless thing I took to bed with me was my husband. (Sorry, honey, it was just too good a line to pass up.)
I'm blaming our friends the Andersons for my current problems in the bedroom. Because New Girl, Hart of Dixie, A Gifted Man, Pan Am, Up All Night, Once Upon a Time, American Idol, Project Runway, Glee, and White Collar weren't really enough for my television addled brain, Karen and Dave recommended I check out the newly popular PBS program, Downton Abbey. Karen, like a drug dealer, even provided me with her Netflix password so I could start with season one. It's basically a soap opera for snobs and now I have yet another addiction.

There's only one way to solve this problem, and that's to go cold turkey on TV. But since I'm not ready for that, I'm going to take a more gradual approach, something like the nicorette of television viewing. Here's the plan: I'm going to go to bed without technology. Nothing with a plug or battery is allowed in bed with me (go ahead, giggle). I believe taking this small step will enable me to get back to the things I truly love--my books, my writing, and my husband--though not necessarily in that order.

Wish me luck.

Living Up to the Stereotypes

A giggle, a toss of the hair.
All in a day's work on The Bachelor

Last week and again on Monday night, I watched "The Bachelor," purely for research purposes. Here are the top three things I learned in the first (and last) two episodes I will ever watch:

• Single women giggle ad nauseum when in the presence of a desirable man
• Pathetic single women are willing to stand in line to make out with the same man, regardless of "God knows what" being exchanged in all those sloppy seconds
• Men are oblivious to the evil schemes of desperate women, particularly when access to their brain is obscured by a woman's large...

While the women on "The Bachelor" reflect a dozen ditzy blonde (regardless of hair color) stereotypes, I can guarantee that the one woman "thing" you will never see them do on this program is nag. We typically save nagging until we're in a relationship. Yes, I went there. We women have a propensity for nagging. Now lest you think I'm dissing my own species with a blantantly anti-feminist statement, allow me to explain. First, you should know that nagging is Latin for "we truly know more than you do and you would be wise to listen." And historically, men who did not listen to their nagging infinitely wise women met with misfortune. For example:

Cleopatra imploring Caesar to watch his back.
His body language says "Woman, I know best."

• Cleopatra told Caesar repeatedly to "beware the ides of March," but did he listen? Nope. And he was stabbed (23 times) to death.
• The Queen of Sheba begged King Solomon to spend more time with their son Menelik because she feared he was on a dangerous path. Did he listen? Nope. And Menelik went and stole the Ark of the Covenant and we're still looking for it today.
• More recently, Calista Flockhart highly recommended that hubby Harrison Ford pass on a role in the 2010 movie "Cowboys and Aliens." He went for it anyway and it made the Rotten Tomatoes list of terrible films.

Women have different self-imposed guidelines for when they will nag share helpful advice. Some go public with it, while the more sophisticated among us prefer to limit our wisdom sharing to one-on-one time with our man. Keeping mum in public when instruction is needed, however, can have tragic consequences. Case in point: We recently spent time with friends, drinking and enjoying a rousing game of Apples to Apples. A lit candle sat on the table near the husband. He reached over the candle to pick up a card and the sleeve of his sweater was suddenly wrapped in flames. The wife's reaction?

I was going to say something because you kept reaching over the candle, but I didn't want to tell you what to do offer advice in front of friends.

The husband's response?

You regularly nag me about every little thing offer me helpful suggestions, but you chose now, when I could have caught fire, to give the nagging advice a break?

The lesson here is clear. Women were born with superior intelligence, reasoning skills, and a natural desire to nurture and care for our men. These are inherent traits that have caused countless divorces prevented many a tragedy. Men, if you would just listen to us, the world would be a much safer and productive place.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to call Rob and remind him to put down the toilet seat and ask him why he failed to bring in the trash cans last night. I swear, I have to do everything around here.

I Waded Into the Vast Wasteland, Just for You

It's okay. Relax. I'm back. Been busy eating and drinking my way through the Christmas holiday, but now it's time to diet and exercise get back in the swing of things, at least until Saturday when the debauchery resumes.

As we approach a new year and all that it represents, I think it's important to reflect on where we've been. Is the "old" worth our attention in 2012 or is it time for new beginnings? Yes, you guessed it. It's time for my Fall 2011 new television lineup review. 

On September 14, I tackled the important subject of my television viewing habits. I explained my disinterest in reality programming (except for "America's Next Top Model" and "Project Runway," which aren't "real" at all), and noted that the only other shows I watched regularly were "Glee" and "White Collar." Interestingly, I had forgotten all about "White Collar" until I reread that post. And frankly, I'm not sure about "Glee" this season. Those teens are having more sex than I am. 

The rest of my "Fire Up the DVR and Get This Party Started" post consisted of what I considered to be a top ten list of the then-upcoming new fall programming. Strictly for research purposes, I watched a couple episodes of most of these programs so that I could report back to you and help you decide how to spend your valuable down time in the new year. So here, in the same 9/14/11 sequence:

The Fall 2011 TV Program Review

"Mind Candy" for when you want something light.

1.  Up All Night with Christina Applegate and Will Arnett, a comedy about new parents and a wacky boss.Very funny. Not too heavy on cutesy baby stuff. Relateable. 
2.  Hart of Dixie with Rachel Bilson, about a big city doctor/girl who finds herself adapting to life in a small southern town. The story lines are woefully thin (almost as thin as Rachel Bilson), the acting is mediocre at best, and yep, I like it. It's basically a romantic comedy and you know I'm a sucker for those despite how trite they are. We all deserve a guilty pleasure. And besides, I don't expect it will last long.
3.  Pan Am with Christina Ricci. She gets top billing but is the least interesting character on the show. I like this program, too. The whole "stewardess as undercover courier" is a bit weird, but since it's apparently based on fact, we'll go with it. 
4.  Person of Interest with Jim Caviezel. He's the deep, dark, brooding type and that just doesn't do it for me. 
5.  Broke Girls is the number one head-scratcher for me. Apparently this lame comedy with two incredibly annoying no-name actresses is a hit. 
6.  Two and a Half Men with Ashton Kutcher. Used to love Ashton Kutcher in rom-coms. The bloom is off the rose. 
7.  A Gifted Man with Patrick Wilson is sappy and wonderful. And Patrick Wilson is incredibly easy on the eyes. I imagine it's very popular with the 60+ audience, kinda like "Touched by an Angel" and "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman."
8.  Once Upon a Time with Ginnifer Goodwin is good fun. You sound like an idiot if you try to explain the show to someone who doesn't watch it, but basically it's a fairy-tale drama in which a group of fairy-tale characters trapped in a Maine town are cursed into forgetting their true identities. Got that?
9.  Homeland with Claire Danes is getting great buzz, but unfortunately I haven't seen it. Should've noted that it was on Showtime when I added it to this list. I don't have Showtime.
10.  Finally, I never got really desperate so I never watched the already-cancelled Playboy Club. 

So there you have it. In the unlikely event that someone disagrees with me (doesn't it always surprise you when someone whom you think is intelligent and has good taste doesn't agree with you?), let's hear it!

Coming Soon: Top 10 Movies of 2011 and The Top 10 Books I Read in 2011.

A Sexual Awakening, or Two, on Glee

"Glee" got lucky this week. ("And so did a number of its characters," she said smartly.) Were it not for the shocking revelations coming out of State College, PA, the FOX TV show's November 8 story line might have created a hailstorm of controversy.

If you're not a Glee watcher or know nothing about the program, let me quickly summarize it for you. It's about a bunch of diverse high school students who have two things in common: 1) they're in the Glee club -- a singing/dancing performance group, and 2) they're all outcasts of one sort or another. The show routinely tackles some difficult subjects, not the least of which includes intimacy with the opposite--or same--sex. I could write a whole post on the angles from which "relations" have been addressed, but today I want to focus on this most recent episode.

The show begins with two of Glee's stars (Rachel and Blaine) finishing a rehearsal performance of their West Side Story love song in their starring roles as Maria and Tony. Despite a goose bump worthy performance (at least according to this critic), fellow student Arnie, one of the school musical's producers, suggests that it lacks passion, the passion that one can only express by recalling his or her own sexual awakening. And, if they haven't been "sexually awakened," how can they be believable in their roles? We should note that Artie, though wheelchair bound, lost his virginity in another season's episode.

With their Broadway ambitions on the line and their significant others on their minds, Rachel and Blaine decide to lose their virginity to their boyfriends (Finn and Kurt respectively). Rachel seeks counsel from the fellow Glee girls who almost universally support the idea of her and Finn consummating their relationship, (though the trouble maker in the bunch notes that he was "terrible in bed"). In fact, one of the show's most understated and seemingly rational characters, Tina, warmly reflects on how special it was to lose her virginity to her boyfriend Mike because of the true love they have for each other.

In the end, both Rachel and Finn and Kurt and Blaine go through a fair amount of apprehension and missteps, but ultimately consummate their relationships.

First, let's disregard how awkward it was to be watching this with your child. Let's instead consider the pros and cons of Glee straightforwardly addressing the topic of losing ones virginity. On the plus side:

• While Rachel and Blaine first consider taking action as a means of growing into their roles in the school musical, ultimately they recognize that this should not be the basis for losing ones virginity.
• Kurt refuses a drunken Blaine's advances and waits till it's a moment they can both be certain of.
• We know that at least Rachel and Finn use protection.
• The big moment is presented with good taste and as much modesty as possible while still getting across the point that two people are in bed and are about to or have just had sex 

Now for the cons:

• When instigator Artie mentions "sexual awakening," his two fellow adult producers, a guidance counselor and football coach, quickly display discomfort and leave the room. At no point do they engage the students in any way. No adult is involved at any point in this episode. 
• The decision is made quickly for both couples. Seemingly within the span or a day or two. It is not one that has been contemplated or reflected on in many episodes over what can be seen as a significant period of time.
• Glee is a life-changer for thousands of kids. Think I'm exaggerating? Just watch the movie, read the Facebook posts, listen to the Twitter chatter, and check out the dozens of websites created by fans. For many, Glee is a lifeline that makes them feel like they're not so different after all. A true gift during the most difficult stage in one's life.

What it comes down to is this. Glee is an 8 p.m. television show watched by millions of tweens and teens. Do I think these kids will choose to have sex because characters in a television program had sex? Yes, I do. If they're already considering losing their virginity with that beloved boyfriend or girlfriend, I completely believe that this episode can provide one of the impetuses needed to make the decision.

I don't want to know tweens and teens were having sex before this episode aired. I know kids who aren't having sex are thinking about sex. I realize it's our responsibility as parents to monitor their television viewing (easier said then done). I understand that we need to be communicating with our children about this difficult subject well before they see it on Glee (unless they're ten and you thought you still had time to get to "the talk"). But ultimately I also believe television producers have some sort of obligation to consider the message they're sending.

I did not have sex in high school (there, I said it, just in case you were wondering) and even though I was slightly older when "it" happened, I'm still not sure I was mature enough. Maybe it's because I'm a mom now, but I don't think you're emotionally and mentally read till you're about 30. Okay, 29. I'd hate to see kids (that's what they are) decide to "go all the way" with the "love of their life" (for that week, month, or even year) because a television show that they respect made it seem like the right thing to do. I hope Glee addresses the potential repercussions of this level of intimacy in future episodes, and that it won't come too late for the kids who already made their big decision.

I know you have something to say on this one, so let's see those comments.