Just Dyin' to See How This Goes!

Last week, Rob and I attended his Uncle Joe's funeral. This, combined with my husband's unsafe driving, started me thinking about my own mortality. More specifically, it got me thinking about my own funeral. I suppose that's a rather morbid topic, but I bet I'm not the only person who envisions what that day might be like.

First and foremost, we all hope our funeral will be well-attended. I remarked to Rob that I had better die relatively young because I don't have a large enough family to ensure a good turnout. I'm going to have to count on coworkers, church family, friends, and neighbors to make up the critical mass. If my sister is still living in Colorado, there's no guarantee she would even bother to make the trip.

In an effort to encourage good turnout, I also want my funeral to be fun. Not clowns and face-painting fun, but not heavy and depressing with songs that make you want to rip your heart out. I'm thinking something between a Catholic Mass and an Irish wake would be good. Having attended a Catholic Mass for Rob's uncle, I'm pretty sure their purpose is to remind the living that the deceased is in a much better place, if you catch my drift. At my funeral, I want friends and family to stand up and share funny stories. Heaven knows I give you all enough material to work with.

I do have one specific request and that is for a full gospel choir to sing When I Go Away by Levon Helms. Love that song. It's upbeat and happy and you can dance to it. And I'd like a multi-ethnic gospel choir to perform because that's the one thing missing from my church. We're too damn white and a bit lacking in the soul category. Having said that, I'd like that white boy, soon-to-be-reverend Mark Boyd, to perform the service with the Reverend Rebecca Irwin-Diehl. They don't know each other and probably have nothing in common other than a mutual affection for moi, but I think they'd do a bang-up job keeping it light but spiritual.

The one question mark in my funeral plans is the whole casket versus cremation thing. On one hand, I'm afraid of fire (having almost burned down my bedroom as a kid) so the idea of being roasted at a very high temperature doesn't appeal to me. It also makes me think of Hansel & Gretel shoving the witch into the oven, and who wants to make that association? On the other hand, I'm very cheap frugal practical and I can't justify the expense of a casket and burial. Being an ocean-lover, I'm leaning toward a Viking burial where they send you out on a boat and shoot flaming arrows at you. Even though there is fire involved, I'm going to be in my happy place and won't be cooped up in an oven.

The one thing I'm sure of is that I definitely do not want a funeral home involved in my big day. What is with funeral homes? They all look like your great-grandmother's house with the same bad wallpaper and outdated upholstery. Definitely not the place I want to spend my final moments with friends and family. We can use my backyard. Would like to get as much use out of the patio as possible.

Finally, I would like to be laid to rest (or sent out to sea) in my Freakin' Angels t-shirt. This should prove helpful in case I arrive in heaven and God is undecided as to whether I belong there.

Any final wishes you'd like to share with Freakin' Angel readers?