The Friendship Continuum

There's nothing like another birthday to make you think about your age. In general, I'm not particularly concerned about growing older. Sure, my hearing and eyesight are going, there are a dozen new gray hairs every day, and I've got more fat deposits than I'd like to admit, but overall I'm in good health and most folks don't think I look 41. (Go ahead, tell me you thought I was older than that.).

What has me thinking about my age today is my friendships. I spent Saturday night at an impromptu dinner/get-together with good friends who all happen to have children around the same age. We did a lot of eating, drinking, and laughing, reminiscing about everything from first concerts (Rush, Jackson Five, Donny & Marie) to knife accidents (lost fingertips, slices to the bone, linoleum damage). These friends, who are all within about five years of one another, can identify with the stage of life I'm in. We're all stuck here in roughly the same situation: double-digit years of marriage, maintaining careers, raising kids, running to soccer games, karate lessons, and school events; and occasionally slipping away as adults for well-deserved date nights and get-togethers. You need these friends to commiserate with, celebrate with, and escape with when necessary.

But then there are your younger friends.

In a very rare occurrence, I had another invitation out on Saturday night. A group of friends from my martial arts class were getting together after a tournament in Atlantic City and they invited me to join them. And, they're younger than me, by about ten years. More important than the age difference however, is that they're all in a much different place in their lives. Many are just starting out in jobs or careers, none has children, and none is married. Clearly we're in way different places.

My dad and Eric with Dad's buck

Steve and my dad with their catch

For many years, my dad has had friends who are much younger than him (my age, in fact). These acquaintances began as a result of common interests, in his case hunting, shooting archery, or fishing and boating, but quickly grew into true friendships that I know mean a great deal to him. I can't say I ever gave much thought to the age differential between my dad and these guys, but as I'm getting older, I can see why they mean so much to him. Having friends who are younger than you means you've still got it. You're still cool. You're still someone worth hanging out with. In other words, you're not old yet.

The downside of having younger friends is that they're tougher to compete with keep up with. Whether it's drinking, breaking wood, or trekking through the forest on a hunting expedition, the young 'uns have an edge. That can be tough on competitive folks like me and my dad.

Alas, my age beat out my desire to be part of the cool kid party Saturday night. I succumbed to sleep instead of making it to the bar to join my martial arts classmates and friends. It stinks getting old.

What doesn't stink, however, is having friends of all ages, from different walks of life, in different stages of their journey. As I celebrate my birthday, what I'm most looking forward to in the second half of my life is the friendships that I'm already blessed with and those that I have yet to make. Thanks for being a friend to this Freakin' Angel!