Like Many Addictions, It Started Innocently Enough

For most of the past two and a half years I have used my blog to embarrass my family. On a few occasions, however, I have used my powers for good instead of evil. Unbeknownst to law enforcement, I have been singlehandedly exposing the secret, silent killers of suburbia. First I brought to light the criminals you may unknowingly have living around the corner. In April I debunked the (sub)urban myth of spring cleaning. Most recently I addressed the fitness epidemic that's claiming the lives of many middle-aged adults. Today, I want to tackle the exceptionally difficult topic of addiction.

I was one of those people who thought it would never happen to me. And the friend who introduced me to it was someone I trusted completely. Someone who seemed so innocent and good. I gave it a try and within hours I was hooked. I started sneaking moments away from my family, friends, and my job for just a little bit of action. Just enough to give me that rush. And now I've reached the point where I can't sleep at night because I know it's right there waiting for me.

Damn you, Gale for starting me on this path to self-destruction.

Damn you, Words with Friends.

The only comfort I can take is in knowing I'm not alone. In fact, last night my WwF app told me that more than 125 of my Facebook friends are also players. These folks range from seminary presidents and esteemed business professionals to college students and homemakers. No one is immune. In some cases I have multiple games going with the same person. As soon as one game ends, we start another. We're like chain smokers. All in need of an intervention.

On the off-chance that you're not familiar with this diabolical virtual word game, it's basically Scrabble online. You can start a game with anyone anywhere in the world and take turns making words on the board.  And if you start enough games with enough people, you can almost be assured that you'll always have a move waiting for you. It's delightfully addictive and, like most things we do online, a major waste of time.
 
Should you choose to give WwF a try, despite my tragic story, allow me to suggest a number of folks with whom you should avoid playing:

1. Writers and English professors. Their vocabulary gives them a completely unfair advantage.
2. People you know are significantly smarter than you. They will make you feel stupid, and really, that's what your friends are for.
3. Those you don't trust. There are apps that can figure out words from the letters you have available. My "pusher" is one of these cheaters, though she does me the courtesy of not tapping her secret source when playing with me. Or so she says.
4. Lucky bastards

You will find that, much like Scrabble, there are different approaches to playing WwF:

• Go for the points, regardless of whether it screws up the whole board for later moves
• Try any letter until something works, even if you have no clue what the word means
• Spell whatever is easiest and moves things along quickly because you're in a hurry (most likely to get to the next game in your queue)
• Impress your opponent with your superior vocabulary
• Make nice long words so that there are more places to build off of for future moves

I fall into that last category. Longer words, rarely impressive, and generally worth a measly 8-13 points. But look! I opened up an "R" and "E" and a "T" for my opponent! The point monger then adds an "S" onto your nice long word and hits triple word score for 42 points. It's a cruel game; you just take your licks and keep on keeping on, or you get out of dodge.

I hope you'll heed my Words with Friends warning, however, if you're curious (which is how all addictions start), look me up. I'd be happy to take you on. As long as you're not a writer, English professor, genius, cheater, or lucky bastard.