A Hair-Raising Experience

Well, the drama never ends around here. And it's not even exciting drama, it's just the everyday variety. Abby's illness turned out to be strep throat so she was home yesterday for the fifth straight day in a row. When we tried to run to Wawa for a smoothie, I discovered my car battery had died. Oh, and I received a truancy notice from Ian's school because I haven't turned in notes for his last three absences. For cryin' out loud. Enough already.

Generally, when life gets rocky or just plain annoying like this, a visit to the spa or health salon can do a girl a world of good. However, in keeping with the theme for 2011-2012, my most recent visit to the "spa" was downright irritating.



The hair styling and waxing area was in a tiny room in the back...

With a $50 gift card in hand, I paid a first time visit to the Spa at the Springfield Healthplex. The Healthplex is the gym I belong to so I expected the spa there to be equally overpriced but impressive. The pricing did not disappoint, but the "impressive" sure didn't hold true. I'm not sure which I found most disturbing:

• The cramped quarters in which waxing takes place an elbow's distance from the hair styling (an area about the size of an average walk-in closet)
• The one-sided conversation with the waxologist (is there a real name for those people who rip the hair out of your body?)
• The two-timing, hairball hacking stylist who laughed at everything whether it was amusing or not

Perhaps I'm high maintenance, but I've decided that from here on out I want my stylist all to myself. My guy alternately cut, colored, and styled me and another woman at the same time, and I found it incredibly annoying. Perhaps this was due in part because I didn't particularly like who I was sharing him with. In the space of 60 minutes, I pieced together way too much of this woman's story.

• Remarried
• Dopey husband who tells stupid, grandfatherly jokes
• 10-year-old daughter; allowed to play dress up with makeup and all, but only at home
• Baby
• Shore house
• Money
• Friend's kid has ADD; emptied very large toy closet in her son's room which is normally super neat and organized
• Diet coke addict; keeps it in her car
• Thoroughly enjoys smoking so she starts again after quitting during her pregnancies

And to top it off, it was clear she and the stylist were buddies. They talked about mutual friends and planned visits to the shore together. I felt so left out. It was like being the new girl at school, sitting alone at the lunch table and overhearing the cool kids talking. I don't particularly enjoy making chit chat with my stylist (even those I've known for years), but having to listen to someone else yap for an hour is worse. Ideally I would like peace and quiet in which to thoroughly enjoy this overpriced time away from home.

After this mini soap opera during which I numbed my mind with outdated People magazines, my only prayer was that I would leave the Spa looking like a million bucks. Or at least like the amount I paid. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure I would have done just as well at the Hair Cuttery for a third of the cost.

Oh, the trials and tribulations of a suburban working mom. The fun just never ends!

P.S. I enjoyed the husband's humor:

The kids ask "what's for dinner?"
He replies, "Shut up and get in the oven."

Ha!

Between the Covers

Well, it's a new year. Technically. However, I refuse to accept 2012 until everyone is healthy and happy around here. Abby's been sick since 12/31/11 so we're just going to pretend the new year hasn't begun because I am determined to start off on the right foot.

Since it's not yet 2012 I can still fit in my final entertainment review for 2011. You've read my thoughts on fall's new television programs* and Hollywood's slim pickins'. Now it's time for the Year in Books. Please note that these titles were not necessarily published in 2011, I just happened to read them in this calendar year.

It was a pretty good book year for me. At the beginning of 2011, Goodreads, the book lover website, asked its members to challenge themselves to read a specific number of books for the year. I aimed for 25 and amazingly hit 24! And if Abby doesn't feel better soon, there's a good chance I'll get #25 in, too. I'm reading Hoot aloud to her.

Without further ado, here is my top 10 list of books read in 2011:

1. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith. How is it I never read this beautiful book before? Francie Nolan may be one of the most inspiring female characters ever. I was consistently moved by her ability to acknowledge reality but find the beauty and hope in everything around her and everything that was to come. Loved it!
2. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer. A heartrenching reminder of those left behind on 9/11/01 and those who have survived history's other tragedies. The movie opens soon.
3. Juliet, Naked by Nick Hornby. Not a crowd favorite, but something about this book really appealed to me. I think it was the ironic and sarcastic nature of some of the characters. I could relate. I liked it so much I dedicated an entire post to it!
4. The Help by Kathryn Stockett. You've undoubtedly heard enough about this terrific book. I think what I appreciated most was the glimpse into this incredibly ugly period in very recent American history. I still can't believe how cruely human beings are capable of treating each other.
5. The Hotel at the Corner of Bitter and Sweet by Jamie Ford. This novel about Japanese Americans during World War II also served as a painful history lesson. Ditto what I said above about my disbelief that humans can be so cruel.
6. Jesus, My Father, the CIA and Me by Ian Morgan Cron. Though considered to be a "Christian book," without hesitation I would recommend it to the heathens among us anyone. The author's honesty, humor, and grace made this book one of the most special I have read in a long time.
7. The Likeness by Tana French. I became a big Tana French fan with her first book, In the Woods. Psychological thrillers are not usually my thing, but I really enjoy her. Or I did until her book Faithful Place disappointed me.
8. The Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins. A brilliant and captivating story with fully developed and engaging characters. Just plain old fun reading. Can't wait for the movie!
9. House Rules by Jodi Picoult. I'll be honest. I thought I was too good for Jodi Picoult. I thought she was a little too "light" for an advanced reader book snob like me. But lo and behold, I enjoyed House Rules. A compelling and obviously well-researched story involving a boy with autism.
10. American Wife by Curtis Sittenfeld. A good, easy read supposedly based on the life of Laura Bush. The only thing that bothered me was that I kept wondering which parts were really based on her life experiences and which were total fiction.

There were a few recently popular books that I just didn't enjoy as much as the rest of reading America. These included:

• The Borrower by Rebecca Makkai
• Maine by Courtney Sullivan
• The Priviliges by Jonathan Dee
• Labor Day by Joyce Maynard

For a complete look at my 2011 (and earlier) reads, join me on Goodreads. It's a great site for keeping in touch with fellow book lovers, reading their reviews, and establishing your own book lists. My "to-read" list is at 152. I set my goal for 2012 at 30, so I'll barely be putting a dent into that ever-growing list of mine.

Can't wait to hear what you've read in the past year, and what you thought of those you've read on my list!

*Missing from my new fall programming television list was "The New Girl" with Zooey D. I didn't plan on watching it because Zooey annoys me. Didn't like her in "500 Days of Summer," didn't figure I'd like her on television either. Turns out, "The New Girl" is probably my favorite television show. Very funny. Check it out!

The Popcorn was Better than Some of the Flicks

It was not a great movie year and the holdays did not bring out the big hitters like they usually do. In fact, I only went to the theater four times in the past week. Those four flicks included:

• The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
• We Bought a Zoo
• Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol
• Sherlock Holmes

They were all...good, fine, okay. None of them blew me away. Maybe it's me, maybe my expectations are too high? Of all the movies I saw in 2011, here are my top 10:

1. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2. A fitting tribute to a remarkable series.



Crazy, Stupid Love. Ahhh...

2. The Descendants. George Clooney is George Clooney regardless of the role he's in (does that make sense?) The good news is that George Clooney is always exceptional. This movie is powerful with well-timed moments of humor that make the heaviness bearable.
3. Crazy, Stupid Love. A stellar romantic comedy? This is one of the best. LOVE Emma Stone. "Seriously? It's like you're photoshopped!"
4. The Help. Loved the book, thought the movie did it justice.
5. Ides of March. Second movie with Ryan Gosling. This is no coincidence.
6. Super 8. Fun, action-packed, Stand by Me meets E.T.
7. Bridesmaids. Not the raunch fest I expected. Lots of laughs with surprising heart.
8. Horrible Bosses. Jennifer Aniston at her best.
9. Win Win. You can always count on Paul Giamatti to deliver a fine performance. This is one of the more moving films I saw this year.
10. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.  Also a faithful translation from book to film. Great acting. Not sure whether I liked it as much as the Swedish version.

To be fair, I didn't meet my movie quota for the year. There are still a bunch I want to see that may very well be top 10 material. These include:

• The Muppets
• Moneyball
• Tree of Life
• The Artist
• Midnight in Paris
• Drive (#3 with Ryan Gosling, no coincidence)
• War Horse
• Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

This post is ripe for your comments. Let's hear 'em!

I Waded Into the Vast Wasteland, Just for You

It's okay. Relax. I'm back. Been busy eating and drinking my way through the Christmas holiday, but now it's time to diet and exercise get back in the swing of things, at least until Saturday when the debauchery resumes.

As we approach a new year and all that it represents, I think it's important to reflect on where we've been. Is the "old" worth our attention in 2012 or is it time for new beginnings? Yes, you guessed it. It's time for my Fall 2011 new television lineup review. 

On September 14, I tackled the important subject of my television viewing habits. I explained my disinterest in reality programming (except for "America's Next Top Model" and "Project Runway," which aren't "real" at all), and noted that the only other shows I watched regularly were "Glee" and "White Collar." Interestingly, I had forgotten all about "White Collar" until I reread that post. And frankly, I'm not sure about "Glee" this season. Those teens are having more sex than I am. 

The rest of my "Fire Up the DVR and Get This Party Started" post consisted of what I considered to be a top ten list of the then-upcoming new fall programming. Strictly for research purposes, I watched a couple episodes of most of these programs so that I could report back to you and help you decide how to spend your valuable down time in the new year. So here, in the same 9/14/11 sequence:

The Fall 2011 TV Program Review

"Mind Candy" for when you want something light.

1.  Up All Night with Christina Applegate and Will Arnett, a comedy about new parents and a wacky boss.Very funny. Not too heavy on cutesy baby stuff. Relateable. 
2.  Hart of Dixie with Rachel Bilson, about a big city doctor/girl who finds herself adapting to life in a small southern town. The story lines are woefully thin (almost as thin as Rachel Bilson), the acting is mediocre at best, and yep, I like it. It's basically a romantic comedy and you know I'm a sucker for those despite how trite they are. We all deserve a guilty pleasure. And besides, I don't expect it will last long.
3.  Pan Am with Christina Ricci. She gets top billing but is the least interesting character on the show. I like this program, too. The whole "stewardess as undercover courier" is a bit weird, but since it's apparently based on fact, we'll go with it. 
4.  Person of Interest with Jim Caviezel. He's the deep, dark, brooding type and that just doesn't do it for me. 
5.  Broke Girls is the number one head-scratcher for me. Apparently this lame comedy with two incredibly annoying no-name actresses is a hit. 
6.  Two and a Half Men with Ashton Kutcher. Used to love Ashton Kutcher in rom-coms. The bloom is off the rose. 
7.  A Gifted Man with Patrick Wilson is sappy and wonderful. And Patrick Wilson is incredibly easy on the eyes. I imagine it's very popular with the 60+ audience, kinda like "Touched by an Angel" and "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman."
8.  Once Upon a Time with Ginnifer Goodwin is good fun. You sound like an idiot if you try to explain the show to someone who doesn't watch it, but basically it's a fairy-tale drama in which a group of fairy-tale characters trapped in a Maine town are cursed into forgetting their true identities. Got that?
9.  Homeland with Claire Danes is getting great buzz, but unfortunately I haven't seen it. Should've noted that it was on Showtime when I added it to this list. I don't have Showtime.
10.  Finally, I never got really desperate so I never watched the already-cancelled Playboy Club. 

So there you have it. In the unlikely event that someone disagrees with me (doesn't it always surprise you when someone whom you think is intelligent and has good taste doesn't agree with you?), let's hear it!

Coming Soon: Top 10 Movies of 2011 and The Top 10 Books I Read in 2011.

Happy Thoughts? I Must Have the Wrong Blog...

Alright, I admit it. For much of this year, I've been a grouch, a grump, and most recently a Grinch. It's a wonder the two of you still read my blog. In an effort to get in your good graces before 2011 comes to a close, I'd like to share some happy thoughts on this eve of Christmas Eve: 

• Abby and friends surrounding my dining room table, flour everywhere, cookie cutters scattered about, sprinkles at the ready, crafting the yummiest part of Christmas. 
• Christmas cards from friends near and far. For many years I've been saving those photo cards of friends' children. I enjoy the nostalgic trip down memory lane when I see how the years have turned them from mere babes to youth and young adults. 
• The Christmas tree. Yes, decorating was on my list of bah humbugs in my Dec. 8 post, but there's something about hanging the ornaments on the tree that warms the heart of even a Grinch like me. I especially love those that remind me of family vacations and special getaways, and others that mark my wedding day and baby's first Christmas. And then there are the priceless handmade gems from the kids' early years of Sunday school classes.
• My annual theatrical performance. Not to be confused with my daily dramas. For the past two years, I've been asked to participate in the skit for the children's Christmas Eve church service. Last year was my big debut when I impressed children and theater critics alike with my convincing performance of an evergreen tree. This year I am playing the role of "Stage Manager" for "Idol Schmidel," a singing competition where the audience helps select the Next False Idol. Get it? I'll be signing autographs after the service which begins at 5:00 p.m. 
• And speaking of church, Advent Sundays with Pastor Bill's messages of Faith, Hope, Joy and Love have provided important reminders of what the season is all about.

As wonderful as these thoughts and experiences are, my favorite Christmas moment occurred this morning while reading the newspaper. Yes, you read that right. The newspaper, a daily harbinger of gloom and doom, manages to find plenty of stories of goodness and charity and hope and love during the Christmas season. In today's Philadelphia Inquirer, I was moved by these stories:

• In Coatesville, an anonymous donor had 40 turkeys he decided should go to the city's most-deserving residents. Police officer Rodger Ollis decided to have some fun with the opportunity, and gave the gift to those who had performed a public service or were simply "caught doing something right."
• A body shop in Woodbury refurbished a car for a previously homeless woman who supported her sons and put a roof over their heads with her job at McDonald's. Each day, regardless of the weather, she took the bus to her job and to her children's caregiver, never complaining about the inconveniences. The expense of a car was never within reach.  She's astounded by her newfound freedom, a freedom most of us never consider. 
• Across the country, Layaway Angels have been paying off others' balances at stores like Kmart and Walmart. 
• In Cheltenham, Enon Tabernacle Baptist Church paid the $68,000 tab of hundreds of shoppers who'd bought clothes on layaway at the Burlington Coat Factory.
• David Pincus passed away from leukemia on Wednesday. The 85-year-old humanitarian devoted himself to relieving the suffering of children. The paper described him as "fond of basset hounds, stiff martinis, athletics, and monumental acts of generosity." Now there's a guy I'd have liked to know.

What if the newspaper shared an equally uplifting story every day of the year? Would more of us be inspired to give back, to help someone in need, to simply appreciate the gifts we've been given?

Here's wishing you and yours a most Merry Christmas and a New Year full of goodness, charity, hope, and love!

And the Award for Mother of the Year Goes to...

My son Ian has had a fairly rough year, and I'm not just referring to the regular abuse he takes from Abby. Normally a pretty healthy kid, the latter half of 2011 has been one medical issue after another. There was the fall from the Media Theatre stage which left him with a broken finger. There was a spider bite that infected his foot while he was about 10 hours from home on a church youth group trip. There was the virus which caused him to miss the first two days of 8th grade (it's always a freakin' virus, isn't it? Never the bacterial kind you can treat with antibiotics). And there were at least two other bouts with a bug that left him down for the count.

Being the less-than-compassionate cautiously caring mom that I am, on most several of these occasions I suggested Ian suck it up persevere:

• You should go to karate class, just don't use that hand with the broken finger.
• Put a sock on to cover the infection and hop around on your other foot. 
• You're not really too sick to go to school are you? 
• Go to school and call me if it doesn't work out.

It's not just because I'm heartless maternally-challenged that I encourage Ian to deal with it work through adversity. It's because Ian's such a good actor. I mean, seriously, the kid has talent. Those dramatic proclivities, however, make it difficult to discern just how sick he is. And being the suspicious and mistrusting perceptive mom that I am, I naturally assume the kid's laying on a thick layer of pathetic and not nearly as ill as he'd have us believe.

So today I sent Ian to school with a sore throat that had him miserable yesterday. Given that he was able to sit upright to play video games and even talk online with his friends, I assumed a dose of Tylenol was all he needed to get his butt outta bed and go to school today. I guess I assumed wrong. Around 11:00 a.m., the nurse called me. The conversation went something like this:

This is Nurse Betty*. Ian is in my office with a sore throat. He said you knew he had a sore throat and that he was sick yesterday. Are his tonsils normally swollen? Some kids have naturally enlarged tonsils. 

I don't think he always has swollen tonsils. The doctor never mentioned it.

Well, they're a little swollen today. He doesn't have a fever, but he looks just miserable. I used to work at your elementary school and don't recall Ian have been to the nurse's office more than a handful of times. And I've only seen him once before in the three years he's been at the middle school. Do you want to call the doctor? Should I give him some ibuprofen? 

Yes, I'll call the doctor and I'll come pick him up now.

Fellow moms know exactly what Nurse Betty was really saying:

You knew Ian had a sore throat and was sick as a dog and you sent him to school anyway. You're an unfit parent. 

How is it you don't know the size of your child's tonsils?

Based on how rarely I see this fine young man, Ian is not faking his condition. 

Call the doctor and pick him up immediately. You're an unfit parent.

Looks like I'm not winning the Mother of the Year Award...

*Name has been changed to protect the innocent.

Guest Selection 101

If you're like most people, the Christmas season will provide you with a fair number of opportunities to celebrate with family and friends. (Unless you're me. I have no plans. Call me.) What the hostesses with the mostesses know about entertaining is the critical importance of having the proper guest list. It's like preparing a great meal. The combination of dishes and the ingredients in those dishes can determine your meal's success. While I know nothing about preparing a great meal, I have recently given thought to the subtleties involved with guest selection.

In the best case scenario, you want to be certain your core group of friends or family members will attend the event in question. This core group is made up of those special folks whose company you will enjoy regardless of whether anyone else shows up. The Freakin' Angels are such a group. As are our less than angelic, but equally fun heathen non-church friends. You know who you are.

The importance of having this foundation in place cannot be overstated. Without it, your entire guest list becomes a gamble. Let's face it. There are folks you should consider want to invite because they are part of the larger group of friends (or they're members of your family and you don't have a choice), but whom you would not want to entertain without the core group in place. Admit it. If you've ever planned a party, you know exactly who I am referring to. These individuals tend to:

• Talk a lot. About themselves. Loudly.
• Not talk at all or fall asleep.
• Drink too much (and they're not "fun drunks").
• Overstay their welcome.
• Complain. 
• Make inappropriate jokes.
• Fail to compliment the hostess ad nauseum.
• Have children who annoy you and whom they bring to every get-together.
• Talk politics and/or theology.
• Cook better, dress better, have better hair, decorate better, and/or make more money than you.

Should you invite these folks and your core group fails to show, the entire event could be a disaster.

Another risk in event planning is the guest combination. Unless you have 75+ attendees, you may want to pay particular attention to the group dynamics. It can be risky to combine family with the work folks, the church folks, and the going-straight-to-hell folks. In the event you find your guest list to be more than a bit random, it is best to invite what I like to call the "folks without shame." These pathetic individuals will talk to complete strangers, regardless of how they look, their lineage, their career path, or their stock portfolio. While this kind of behavior is completely unacceptable to some of us, it's actually ideal for a social gathering with questionable group dynamics. I actually know a number of these individuals and would like to embarrass name them here in case you're planning a party and need to hire them.

• Cathie H.
• Shamina A.
• Dave A.
• Karen S. (aka "Mom")
• Karen H. 
• Theresa B.
• Pedro A.

I'm sure I'm missing a few, so if you feel you deserve to be on this list of desperately friendly folks, give me a call. And invite me to your next party while you're at it.

Well, I believe that covers most everything in Guest Selection 101. If you think I've missed anything, leave a comment (you know comments make my day, right?). And please, don't lose any sleep worrying about whether you're a core group person, an "I don't want to be alone with them" person, or a social butterfly. We all have our place on the social ladder of life. 

Here's hoping all your holiday festivities have just the right mix of guests. And God Bless Us Everyone!