Debunking a (Sub)Urban Myth*

I am writing at the dining room table because my husband had an office created for himself during our recent renovations even though I'm the one who works at home as the sun floods my living room. My eyes are drawn to the beautiful bay windows which reveal blooming azaleas, springtime in all its greenery, and a solid year's worth of grime. I suppose this is why spring is deserving of its own special cleaning, leaving summer, fall and winter in the dust. Literally. Personally, I've never been a fan. Of cleaning. During any season.

10 Random Thoughts About Cleaning:

1. If no one can see it, it isn't really there. This means washing your walls, cleaning behind your refrigerator, and dusting the top shelf of a 6+ foot tall bookcase are completely unnecessary.
2. When those dirty things you can see begin to bother you, invite guests to your home. This will provide much needed motivation.
3. If you prefer to just avoid cleaning at all costs, only invite guests to your home who don't give a damn how dirty it is. Unfortunately, this leaves out my sister and brother-in-law.
4. If you have no friends never have guests, I recommend waiting to clean until the children leave for college, otherwise it will just get dirty again. In like an hour.
5. Speaking of children, where their bedrooms are concerned, it is best to wait until conditions are intolerable before you suggest request demand they clean it. Then, you can justify a complete and total mom meltdown, threatening, "If these rooms are not cleaned up immediately heads will roll..." Or even worse, "There will be no video game playing for the rest of the week."
6. Intolerable can be identified by mysterious odors, living things that are not your child or a pet, and green, growing things that are not potted plants.
7. Guilt is also an exceptionally effective technique when trying to solicit help around the house. When a simple cleaning request is denied, try this response: "That's fine, don't worry about it. I'll take care of it right after I make your lunch, wash your clothes, and pay the bills for the house you live in for free. That's my job." Tears are a definite plus.
8. When you really don't want to clean, consider that cleaning is about taking pride in your home and the Bible says pride is a bad thing.
9. Have you ever noticed that dust bunnies, like real bunnies, scoot away if approached too quickly? This means they should be left alone. 
10. Research has shown that obsession with cleanliness is negatively affecting our immune systems. To improve health, I recommend living in harmony with dirt.

Finally, I think someone needs to have a talk with the music teacher at our elementary school. Abby tells me she divides the class into "parents" and children, and then has them do some silly routine where they chant back and forth to each other:

Parents: Lazy slob, lazy slob

Kids: Cleaning is a parent's job and I am not a lazy slob.

I really need someone in authority teaching my child that cleaning is a parent's job. These are my freakin' tax dollars at work...

*Thanks to Linda DeCowsky for recommending the topic and the title of this post.