Parenting, Swedish Fish, Freakin Angels, and Those Three Little Words

A funny thing happened on the way to this blog post, and naturally it involved that Freakin' Angel Karen who always has something thought-provoking to say.

Today's post was going to be on the topic of how to teach your children to make good decisions. Now it seems it will be about the importance of those three little words: "I am sorry." But let me back up.

On Sundays from 5:00 - 6:30 p.m., Ian goes to middle school youth group at our church. He loves it. In fact, it may be the only thing he loves that doesn't involve a screen. Because youth group takes place at dinnertime, they feed the kids. Usually it's pizza. Parents pitch in a couple bucks (when I remember) to help pay for it.

This past Sunday, when I picked up Ian, I noticed there were no pizza boxes present. (I know because I was hoping to snag a leftover piece). Driving home I asked Ian what they did for dinner and he told me that they walked to Wawa (the world's best convenience store, for those of you who don't live in the northeast portion of the country). I asked him what he got. He told me "Swedish Fish."

I proceeded to go off on him and his lack of judgment. I also questioned whether our youth directors should be allowing 11-to-13-year-olds to make their own dinner decisions (with my $3), but Ian implored me not to "ruin it for everyone." The whole battle discussion mom-meltdown was just one in an ever-increasing series of confrontations with my almost-twelve-year-old. It's becoming exhausting.

Here's where the Freakin' Angel intervention comes into the story.

On Monday night after our Pilates class, FAs Karen and Cathie and I decided to undo all the benefits of working out by going out for drinks afterward. We were joined by FAs Kim G. and Lori. As we women are known to do, we talked. A lot. About everything. I told them my Ian & the Swedish Fish story and instead of rousing support for my tough stance, FA Karen's first response was "at least he told you the truth."

Damn.

I think I'm pretty good at those teachable moments. I think I generally handle things with a textbook approach. But I totally missed the boat on this one. I was so quick to let Ian have it that it didn't occur to me that I needed to recognize his honesty.

When I got home Monday night, Ian was already in bed. I left on Tuesday morning before he was awake. And all day yesterday the need to talk to him was eating at me. When I finally walked in the door at 8:30 p.m., I did a pile driver on him on the couch, and told him I wanted to talk to him. I told him I wanted to apologize. Here's what I said,

The other night when I yelled at you about the Swedish Fish thing, I should have told you I was proud of you for telling me the truth. I shouldn't have gone off on you like that. I don't want you to start lying to me because you're afraid of how I'll react to the truth. So I am sorry. Of course, I hope in the future you'll make better decisions with regard to having Swedish Fish for dinner.

Ian's eyes lit up. He had a big smile and a laugh. He got it. I got it. It was a great moment in parenting history, all thanks to FA Karen.

I think being able to say "I'm sorry" to our children is both one of the hardest things to do and one of the most important. It teaches our kids that adults also make mistakes and hopefully it teaches them how to say "I'm sorry," too.

One mom learning experience down, 543,938 to go.