Still Waiting for the Pillow or the Plaque

As I write, I'm flying back to Philadelphia from Denver. And boy, are my arms tired! My body and my motherly patience are also rather worn down. The kids and I let no grass grow under our feet on this vacation. We hit the trails by horse, train, incline, aerial tram, suspension bridge, and snow tube. And the kids hit each other with fists, feet, and verbal assaults.

The Sibling Battles of Castle Rock, CO served as chilling reminders of the 1977-1987 Sister Battles of Easton, PA. For about ten years, my sister Dawn and I were on opposite sides of the battle lines, regularly terrorizing each other and our parents who were certain that one day we were going to kill each other, if they didn’t kill us first.

Though I know it disappointed my parents terribly to have their daughters constantly at war, I don’t remember shedding too many tears over this lack of sisterly love. (If I was shedding tears it was a result of Dawn inflicting bodily harm on a regular basis.) Dawn and I were (are?) just two very different creatures.

KIM

• Rule-follower
• Obedient
• Sensitive/emotional
• Eager to please
• Serious

DAWN

• Rule-breaker
• Strong-willed
• Unemotional/disconnected
• Eager to live her life
• Fun-loving

With a four-year difference in our ages, we never went to school together and never had the same friends. I graduated from college when she graduated from high school. We took a cruise together that year, just the two of us, and still didn’t manage to bond. (She stayed up partying; I went to bed.)

I don’t know when it happened exactly, but at some point, after officially becoming a grown up, it occurred to me that I was missing something. I was missing having my sister as my friend.

All around me were women who claimed their sister(s) as their best friend. I had a coworker who watched television over the phone, long distance, with her sister. I became aware of all the kitschy stuff which celebrated sisters (“Chance made us sisters; choice made us friends.”) Our own mother and her four sisters personified the bonds of sisterhood. I wanted some of that. Unfortunately, "some of that" moved to Colorado shortly after I decided we could and should be friends.

While we're geographically further apart than we've ever been, today Dawn and I are closer than ever. Motherhood has helped our friendship immensely. Commiserating over kids and husbands is a definite bond for women everywhere. 

Will Dawn and I ever be the type of sisters who watch movies together long distance or buy each other sisterly plaques or pillows? Hell no. Not likely. But our progress gives me hope that one day Ian and Abby will stop exchanging blows and will possibly exchange hugs instead. Hey, a mom can dream, can't she?