A couple months ago I wrote a post on the thrill of new relationships (in the platonic sense.) I should have immediately posted a follow up on how to go about identifying an appropriate new friend. It might have saved you from making the same mistakes I've made. Hoping I'm not too late to be of assistance, based on lessons I've learned personally, here's a brief selection guide to use when you think you may have met that special someone: Ask yourself, "Am I..."
- ...Better looking?
- ...Better dressed?
- ...Smarter?
- ...Generally more popular?
- ...More charismatic?
- ...More witty?
- ...In better shape?
- ...A better parent (if applicable) and/or a better spouse?
- ...More sane?
- ...Less needy?
If the answer to more than half of these is "NO," do not pursue this friendship. It will only cause you heartache down the road as you try to live up to the terrible standards this so-called friend has unwittingly set. I know this because I've had more than my fair share of friendship heartache. It just so happens that I am terrible at choosing my friends. Freakin' Angel Karen is a classic case in point.
Karen is one of those people you love to hate. She's beautiful, funny, charming, smart, grounded, and insightful, and on top of that she can eat and drink you under the table while maintaining her size 2 figure. She's also a sports fan.Yuck. Makes you slightly ill just thinking about it. Karen has already appeared in my blog on at least two occasions, both times for offering advice and words of wisdom that cause you to smack yourself in the head and ask "Now why didn't I think of that?" (See "Parenting, Swedish Fish, Freakin Angels, and Those Three Little Words" and "You're So Vain, I Bet You Think this Blog is About You")
As with my two previous Freakin' Angel profiles, I've asked mutual friends to offer their assessment of Karen. Here's what they had to say:
Where to start?! Karen's always quick to jump in and help (sometimes before you even realize you need help!) She's sensitive, caring, and completely in tune with other's feelings and I am utterly amazed at her ability to cut through the (pardon my french) bullshit and figure out the heart of just about any issue. Her insight into more than a few situations with my kids have blown me away. I feel incredibly blessed to call her friend,. She'd be damned near perfect if she didn't have the metabolism of the energizer bunny on speed, making the rest of us jealous when she downs burgers and beer and manages to stay the size of a (small) twig!
Karen always has so much going on in her life but is able to remember the smallest details of the lives of others and check in with concern despite all that she is juggling. She is truly one of the kindest people I know, accepting of anyone and everyone. Karen has a delightfully humorous wicked side that comes out when needed! She is so easy to talk with and makes one feel completely at ease the moment they are in her presence. Her interactions with everyone she comes in contact with are truly an example of Christ's love.
What I admire most about Karen is how she treats everyone like a friend. She will always take the time to stop to see how you are doing, what she can do to help, and is genuinely interested in the well being of her friends and acquaintances. Karen is always there for a chat if you need an ear to listen or even a shoulder to lean/cry on. She is just so darn thoughtful and considerate! And without any pretenses--some people are nice because they should be nice or they have an end goal--not Karen. She is a genuinely nice soul. I am so grateful to have the fortune to be her friend!
One of the things I am in awe of with Karen is her amazing ability to balance selflessly helping others, with being able to say no and draw boundaries with kindness. As someone who can get overwhelmed to the point of ineffectiveness, I strive to be able to do more of that myself. On a personal note, Karen has walked with me through some of the most challenging and scary times in my life. She was my first call when I was told my unborn baby might have difficulties and she was at my bedside to be my advocate in the hospital when I wasn't able to fight for myself. I sincerely hope she is always in my life, but should circumstances separate us, she will always, always be a treasured and beloved friend.
Whew! See what I mean? Karen is just the type of woman you want to avoid when seeking a new friend. No one should have to compare themselves to or keep up with someone like her. It's exhausting. And trust me, once these types of friends suck you into their web of love, concern, and selflessness, you'll never be free. I have a feeling that I (and these anonymous women quoted above) will be stuck being Karen's friend for life. And I thank God for that.
1 comment:
Dearest Kim and anonymous friends,
I am overwhelmed, humbled and in awe of what I just read! The entire time, it seemed that I was reading about someone else... because for one...
I am not very bright (please don't tell my students!) or witty, or worthy of the kind comments and compliments that were just bestowed on me...but I do know that I have been blessed with sisters in Christ whom I have connected with, grown with and shared so many personal ups and downs. My life is much deeper because of my relationships with you, Kim and our mutual friends.
Thank you for the gift of your humorous and meaningful writings. I will cherish the compliments.
Love,
Karen
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