Acknowleding, Affirming, and Expressing My Gratitude

Today's youth are often viewed with distaste and scorn by the senior set who have managed to forget what they were like at that age. And on the flip side, the senior set is often disregarded and even ridiculed by those who can't see themselves that far into the future. Even though I've always enjoyed older adults more than most people my age, I'll be the first to admit that some of the stereotypes are deserved and a bit hard to take in large doses:

• The play-by-play from the last visit to the doctor's office
• The body-part-by-body-part review of the latest aches and pains, surgery, or therapy
• The grandchild(ren) update that often dissolves into dismay over said child's bad choices and seemingly directionless existence
• The disappointment over infrequent calls or visits from their children
• The gossip about the new lady down the hall, down the street, or at the club
• Refusal to wear the damn hearing aid so you don't have to speak at the top of your voice in every conversation (dad, this means you!)

Yes, seniors can pose a challenge, and this is what I was slightly dreading during my last business trip. My main order of business was to meet with an older woman who was running a store that I needed to work with. Having spoken with her on the phone, the word "crotchety" quickly sprang to mind and I knew this was going to be no picnic.

As it happened, my contact at the store wasn't the only senior I met on this trip. The driver who picked me up from the airport was a retired volunteer. The store manager's husband was ever-present. The store volunteer was a member of the senior set. And I was treated to dinner with two additional age 70+ ladies. And what did I learn from this experience? I learned that while the stereotypes hold true, there's something simple but significant we're overlooking when it comes to the older generation: They want to matter.

That statement may be deserving of a strong "no duh" response, but it feels like a revelation to me. When my dad repeatedly asks me whether so-and-so has seen the beautiful woodworking he's done in my living room, it may not be because he's getting senile and doesn't remember having asked me before. He may be asking again because he's seeking the affirmation and acknowledgment that demonstrates that he's "still got it" and that what he does has value. On this recent business trip, one thing I noticed was how eager my new senior friends were to tell me about their accomplishments--past and present. The store manager wanted to share her impressive history with the organization. Her husband wanted me to know of the shelves and stands he had built for the store, the wood crosses he was making, and the boat he had refinished. One of our dinner companions was an artist whose work was to be commended. In addition, I learned of their cruises, their visits with artisans around the world, their upcoming trip to Branson, the long drive home to Texas.

My friends and I are in our 30s and 40s, the "prime of our lives." We're constantly getting feedback--whether we want it or not--from our employers, our children, our friends, and our parents. Our lives are filled with non-stop activity and we never have time to wonder whether we have value, whether what we do matters, whether we're leaving or will have left our mark. Most of us look to the retirement years with a sense of anticipation. We dream of the traveling we'll do. The friends we'll socialize with. The golf courses and tennis courts we'll tame. But I'm sure we rarely, if ever, give a thought to what it will be like to not have that daily affirmation and sense of purpose that raising children and working provide us with now.

My parents and a few senior relatives and friends read my blog and I certainly hope I haven't offended them or been condescending. I just really felt the need to share what was for me a personal revelation. Whenever we can put ourselves in someone else's shoes, we're more likely to be compassionate, engaged, and tolerant.  And I should also take this opportunity to say thank you to all those "older folks" who have touched my life in so many ways. Never for a moment doubt the impact you have had and will continue to have on my life!