Time to Self-Censor or Keep Being Me?

My newly teenage son, Ian, recently joined Facebook after claiming he never would because "it's stupid." I didn't think twice about giving him permission to join the world's 250 million Facebook users because 1) he's  a good kid and 2) he was willing to friend me and his dad, and our close friends, and the youth minister at church.

Ian generally makes good decisions (as long as there's no kitchen stove involved), so his behavior on Facebook doesn't worry me. What concerns me is my behavior. In my mind I've been going back over my status updates, trying to recall if they were appropriate for him to see. For the most part, my updates are about food and trying to convince or guilt people into taking me to lunch (which never happens, by the way). But occasionally I might push the boundaries of what I would be comfortable with my child reading. The same is undoubtedly true of my blog for which he will now see direct links to new posts.

All this has me thinking of how I've shielded Ian and Abby to this point in their young lives. And what I've realized is that I really haven't. I know parents who turn off the news when their kids are around to keep them from being worried or upset. I know some who never argue in front of the children, creating the illusion that marriages are always easy and carefree. Some won't be honest with their kids when mom or dad is angry, sad, anxious, or frustrated. Others tiptoe around the tough topics like body changes, feelings for the opposite sex, drinking, and drugs.

While I don't think I've ever shared anything when the kids were too young to handle the subject (though that is certainly open for debate), I've definitely been open with Ian and Abby to such a degree that there's little they haven't heard. They've listened to the news since they were little and asked questions and shared their concerns in response. They've heard mom and dad argue once in a great while, and while it upsets Ian (nothing phases Abby), he's also been reassured that disagreements are a normal part of relationships and life and they don't mean divorce is imminent.

Given my history of depression, I've been honest with my children about the source of my tears or sadness. I thinks it helps Ian to know I can relate when he "feels sad for no reason." And when they're driving me insane, I let them know exactly why I'm liable to snap at any moment if their behavior doesn't change immediately. As for the tough stuff, I especially enjoy being blunt and making them squirm. Recently Ian's eyes were very red after a night of little sleep. I told him they were red and asked if he was using drugs. Naturally he was mortified and actually burst into tears at the idea of me thinking such a thing. I laughed and told him it was my job to stay on top of this stuff. And regarding boys and girls and birds and bees, well I'm totally comfortable "going there" as well. Hey someone's got to do it (hint, hint, Rob).

So why my concern with my Facebook updates or my blog? Because in addition to my honesty and candor, one thing I feel is of utmost importance is that I always try to set a good example for my children. I strive to:

• Ttreat others with respect, consideration, and kindness
• Live out my faith
• Demonstrate the value of education (and a major love of reading!)
• Commit to being physically fit
• Value the gift of friendship
• Honor my parents (while still acknowledging that my dad's driving stinks)
• Help others, volunteer, be a good community citizen
• Live life with a good attitude

Do I fail miserably at some or all of these at one time or another? Absolutely. And quite often I fail spectacularly on Facebook and in my blog when I usually go for the laugh at the expense of being kind, respectful, positive, healthy, intelligent, or helpful. While my kids certainly know my sense of humor by now, I do wonder if I need to edit/monitor/watch my words now. Decisions, decisions, decisions...

Please share your opinion on this topic. Do I self-censor or keep being me?