Putting My Best Foot Forward

That about sums it up, doesn't it?

What I really want to write about is the Michael Vick salary abomination. $100 million over six years brings out my increasingly liberal Christian tendencies (sorry, dad) as I think about the number of starving children that kind of money could feed. But I won't go there.

Instead, let's talk about a closely related topic...FASHION! A subject near and dear to my heart. My sister can pick herself up off the floor now. I was totally joking. About it being near and dear to my heart. We are, however, going to talk about it.  Fashion simply won't be ignored.

No one has ever, nor will ever, accuse me of being a fashion icon. In fact, one reason I could not continue to work in a NYC ad agency after grad school was my distinct lack of fashion sense. Actually, I just didn't like my boss, but eventually the fashion thing would have caught up with me. It's not so much that I don't "get" what's in style, it's just that I'm too damn cheap sensible to spend the kind of money that being a true fashionista requires. Did you know that not only do clothes have their season, but so does jewelry? How's a girl to keep up?

The good news is that one of the many benefits of working for a religious organization is that no one expects me to look like a fashion model. Maybe if I worked for the Southern Baptists that would be a problem, but here in the American Baptist Churches, no one notes (or at least comments on) my lack of hip, trendy clothing. In fact, when I've attempted to be cutting edge (once or twice in the past 10 years), I've received some looks that said "What the hell are you wearing?" Well, it was probably "What the heck are you wearing?" since we don't swear much here.

So why do I suddenly feel so self-conscious of my fashion sense, or lack thereof?

I'm blaming it on a new season of Project Runway. I confess; I love that show. As someone who doesn't even know how to turn on a sewing machine, it amazes me what those crazy people come up with. The show also leaves me wondering why straight men are apparently incapable of clothing design. And why does Heidi Klum think any woman needs to wear skirts that short? But I digress.

When I say I've become self-conscious about my style, I'm finding my flaws to be especially egregious when it comes to my shoes. Where many/most women have a thing for shoes with dozens (hundreds?) of pairs, I own maybe 20. None of which is less than two years old. If jewelry changes seasonally you can imagine what this says about the age of my shoes. Unlike a fine wine, they haven't improved with time.

In addition to owning a comparably conservative number of shoes, I also possess a limited selection of styles:

• Four pairs of black heels - 

1) patent leather for the rare dressy occasion
2) plain old leather (which are at least 5 years old)
3) sling backs which bug the heck out of me because they always slip off my heel
4) summer sandals which I'm sure are way out of date since I have no recollection of buying them

The black family

• Four pair of brown shoes - 

1) dated pumps from the Bass outlet
2) worn out clogs from the Bass outlet (since I'm too cheap to spring for Dansko clogs)
2) small heels with a strap across the front (are they out of style now?)
3) squarish looking flats that are comfy but not current

The brown family

• Two pairs of blue shoes 

1) stretchy fabric flats that have been described as "Pilgrim shoes" by a coworker
2) a pair of completely dated pumps/heels

The blue family

I also own one pair of mid-calf height black boots - these don't go out of style, do they? And several pairs of summer sandal types which I know are woefully out of date.

The summer family

About the coolest thing I have in my shoe closet are a pair of Converse. And they are so last year. Or two years ago.

So here's the point of this post. I need someone with excellent fashion sense--who doesn't like to spend a lot--to take me shoe shopping. I'm thinking an entire shoe closet upgrade is in order. We already spent the kids' college education on refinishing the basement so what difference does it make if I blow a hundred bucks on shoes. $100 will be enough for several pairs, right?

Call me!