Do you think we're born with the grudge-holding/often-hurt/easily-offended gene, or do we acquire it over years of perceived slights and offenses?
In Abby's short nine years, she's suffered a few major "dings" that are so often dealt by other little girls who seem to lack basic kindness or at least good "filters" that keep the rest of us from saying whatever mean thing pops into our heads. For example, on one picture day at school, "friends" asked if she was really going to wear that and told her she didn't look nice. Abby clearly knew it had been a cruel thing to say since she remembered to tell me about it when she got home that day, but it didn't stick, even for an hour. There seemed to be no harm done to her psyche or even those "friendships." Had that been me, I'd still be writing about it my journal and sharing it with the therapist.
Another example is a "friend" who never invites Abby to her birthday parties, even though she always comes to Abby's parties, and Abby continues to invite her. Again, Abby recognizes this as a slight because she mentions it when her friend's birthday rolls around, but she doesn't seem to be able to hold a grudge. Me? I'd have written that friend off long ago and cried about it to everyone I know.
Abby also seems to be inordinately concerned with other people's feelings. If I suggest that she's a great soccer player, she takes offense for her friends whom I've indirectly implied are not as good. When I mention that so-and-so really needs a haircut, she tells me that I'm not being very nice.
It could be that time spent in Sunday school and around all the Freakn' Angels in my life is really having an effect on her. I think for now I'm just going to monitor the situation...and pray that she always maintains this impressive strength of character.
2 comments:
I think you have a little angel. As I was reading it, I pictured a mini version of Jesus. She is living the way God wants us to live and the way Jesus was trying to get us to live when he was here on earth. Yes, "pray that she always maintains this impressive strength of character" and don't discourage her from doing it. She's God's angel put here on earth for us to admire and take after.
Good for Abby! And I must say that I want to strangle that insecure little girl who has no taste and has to put other girls down to feel better about herself. I happen to be very good at holding a grudge. I think it is an acquired skill. Personally, I blame the parents. Abby is who she is because of you and Rob. And the bullies are who they are because someone didnt teach them that hurting people is not acceptable. At the end of the day, Abby will trump bully every time. Living well is the best revenge.
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