COB Syndrome

My friend Emily and I were talking the other night about our children and our blogs. Emily's son Noah informed her that Ian has to get my permission before I'm allowed to blog about him and Noah wants the same consideration. I need to clarify. First, I only ask Ian permission for Facebook posts related to him (after apparently damaging his fragile ego in the past), and second, permission requests only apply in the case of very sensitive subjects. I do have parental embarrassment rights, after all. If you take away a mom's ability to embarrass her children, what else has she got?


During this conversation, Emily did raise a legitimate concern. What if they organize? Form some sort of union or protection agency? Knowing our bright children, this could happen. Ian's always looking for someone to sue. It's just a matter of time before he decides to take me to court for psychological damages resulting from my Facebook and blog posts.

I can see it now. A whole generation of children will seek restitution and therapy for COB Syndrome, an affliction that strikes Children of Bloggers. Here are some of the symptoms of COB syndrome:

• A paranoid sense that people are talking about you, people you may have never even met
• A naked, exposed feeling which leaves you emotionally hyper-sensitive and vulnerable
• A Jekyll-Hyde personality that both craves attention and fears it at the same time

When asked on college applications and in future job interviews, "Tell me about yourself," COBs will likely respond in short, pithy phrases, often exhibiting inappropriate humor, raw emotion, and self-deprecation. COBs will assume that they're supposed to entertain you with whatever they have to say. If their words elicit no response, they will feel like failures.

COBs will follow in a long and distinguished line of children messed up by their well-intentioned parents, but I think they're still better off than the generations of kids with parents and grandparents of the Depression era who insisted that you always "clear your plate" thus ensuring you would forever battle your weight.

Now before I veer off into discussions of healthy eating habits and the power of good looking doctors, I will close with this question:

Do you think COBs will be more psychologically sound because everything about them is out there in the open, or do you think we're slowly destroying them by making them objects for our amusement? Your response could prove critical in the fight against COB syndrome.