Groupons, Gap Jeans, and Tim Lincecum

This morning I woke up and realized I owe a debt of gratitude to Groupon. Groupon is this cool little service which sends daily deals to your in-box, generally offering at least 50% savings off a product or service in your region. You've got one day to respond to the Groupon offer and it requires a certain number of takers to activate the deal. If the deal goes through you basically end up with a gift certificate that you need to use before the expiration date.

In addition to having saved a decent amount of money with these Groupons, this morning it occurred to me that Groupon has also provided me with a good deal of fodder for my blog. More than half of the Groupons I've used have resulted in something blog-worthy:

• TerraMar Adventures with which I went hiking, saw a rattlesnake, and discovered the "Psychological Power of Pie."
• Sophisticated Ladies Consignment Boutique where they offered what I considered to be a "Deadly Shopping Adventure."
• Elevation Burger, just one in my series of unpleasant gastronomical adventures.
• The Spa at the Omni Hotel, the site of my recent facial from hell.  

Last night, Groupon treated me to a visit to the mall. For $25 I snagged a $50 Groupon to Gap. I've had it for months and it was set to expire this Friday. So off to the mall I went. And I discovered three things during this little outing:

1. I'm officially too old for Gap. 
2. The mall is a very depressing place.
3. I looked the part of those other frumpy mall women in sweats and baseball hats. If I had decided to do laps around the mall for exercise, I would have fit right in.

Is there anyone over age 30 in this ad?

Yes, Gap clothes are made for women either much younger than me or much thinner than me. Despite not being actually overweight, there's no way my thighs can fit in Gap jeans. Or any trendy jeans for that matter. I picked out the "curvy" cut style and even that was a complete insult. I would be willing to pay big bucks for jeans that sit at my waist (this hip stuff is ridiculous), don't strangle my thighs, and don't look like something my grandmother would have worn.

When the jeans didn't work out I considered a skirt, but Gap skirts are apparently made for really short women, or women in Las Vegas who like their skirts to just barely cover their panties. 

I settled on a couple tops and made a mental note to not bother visiting Gap again. Probably not the result they were looking for when they offered the Groupon deal.

As for the mall itself, well there's not much I can say about it other than that I don't see how those stores stay in business. Does anyone over the age of 14 actually shop in malls anymore? And is there anything worth shopping for?

Tim and Kim -- separated at birth?

As for my personal appearance, well that was just criminal. Why I allowed myself to go out looking like that is beyond me. I even had baggy underwear on under my sweatpants. And with my baseball hat and flat hair, I looked disturbingly like Tim Lincecum.  This depresses me to no end so I really need to stop thinking about it.

So there you have it, another post courtesy of Groupon. I should offer them a corporate blog sponsorship or something. What do you think?